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Episode 23: Touching the Face of Pod
In which Geno and Justin unshackle themselves from the tyranny of editorial control and establish an anarcho-syndicalist commune run by a sort of executive committee....
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Justin
Good morning and welcome to 94.4 KPRK. On this morning's episode of the International Race of Hampians, we are missing a certain someone who is currently stuck trying to change their name and after successfully changing their name had to go into hiding. in the favelas of Brazil. Caleb was trying to commit voter fraud, um, by changing his name to Bolsonaro in order to get some chuds to vote away from Mr. Flavio in the upcoming runoff election. Here with me this morning to discuss this Is our friend Gino.
Geno
Good morning.
Justin
Welcome to the International Race of Amphians, motherfuckers. I'm just gonna ruin that real quick.
Geno
Don't dig, don't dig, you son of a gun.
Justin
Yeah, buddy. All right, so we're doing, we're doing a, we're doing a shotgun style fucking, uh, uh, DIY redneck ass episode.
Justin "The Juice"
Here of the Hampians Show.
Geno
We're gonna slip the surly bonds of editorial control and touch the face of pod.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes, yes, we have, uh, in fact, um, overthrown our, uh, dictatorial overlord, and now we have no idea what we're doing in this anarcho-commune.
Geno
Well, we're gonna take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week.
Justin
Yes, uh, we'll figure it out. We'll— fuck it, we'll do it live.
Geno
Well, we'll, we'll, uh, give you some updates on the struggle sessions as they, as they happen.
Justin
Yeah, I'm probably gonna end up sending myself to the gulag, but fuck it. I deserve it.
Geno
All right, so, uh, where are you on fleet maintenance?
Justin "The Juice"
Fleet maintenance? Um, oh goodness. Uh, so the Sexpedition, um, it's doing just fine. Uh, I haven't had to do really anything on it recently. Um, but, uh, it's, you know, it's— it leaks a little bit of oil.
Justin
Um, but it's kind of stopped leaking, uh, diff fluid as profusely as it was, so I haven't really worried about that too much, and I haven't been, uh, driving it too much. Mm-hmm.
Geno
You know what they say about Fords, if it ain't leaking, it's low.
Justin
That's true, so I probably should check it actually.
Justin "The Juice"
Um, the, uh, Stagea, I just recently, uh, over this past weekend, um, bled the brakes, um, because it kind of needed it. Um, the brakes always felt kind of spongy since I got it. Um, And at one point, I legitimately checked out the braking system and I noticed that there was some nastiness in the reservoir, brake fluid reservoir, sitting on top of the fluid, which the fluid itself looked kind of nasty. And there was some nastiness. I don't know what it was. There's some gunk. floating on top. There was probably some water contamination. The fluid was just trash. And I was gonna take the Stagea to the Dragon, Tail of the Dragon, but I ended up being— still don't have a damn job because frickin' the company that I'm going to work for has not gotten back to me yet on my starting date. Which, everything's lined up, it should all be working out, but I still haven't got a damn start date. So...
Geno
Have you considered just going in there and working?
Justin "The Juice"
I'm still sitting my ass here at home running out of money and running out of food, so, uh, this is getting fucking annoying. Uh, but anyway, um, because I don't have a fucking job yet and don't have any fucking money, I couldn't get my ass over to the Tail of the Dragon for the GTR meet. So, uh, I did the thing that I was gonna do before I went to that meet anyway, which was, um, breed the— breed— bleed the brake fluid on the Stagea. Um, so I ended up doing that with some fresh DOT 4, and, uh, yeah, the brakes feel better. Um, not incredible because the rotors Are a little eaten up, but it's got relatively fresh pads, like about a year-old pads, um, and they're like hybrid ceramic pads or some shit, so they should last a good while. So I'm not worried about the pads, but the rotors are looking a little eaten up. Um, but the fresh fluid definitely felt like it's helped. Um, and that was a kind of mildly annoying job that I've been putting off for a while.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Um, it really actually didn't end up being all that hard at all. Everything worked out pretty straightforward. The bleeder valves were a little rusted, but I got some fucking, uh, PB Blaster on them and went to town, and everything worked out. The only little hiccup was, um, I jacked the car up on, uh, I got a little careless with jacking the car up, and I jacked it up on the frame rails. And on the front portion of the frame rails where it's reinforced, you totally can do that. But I bet I jacked it up on more of the back side of the frame rails so I could get the jack under there easier. And I might have dented the frame rails a little bit, but you know, it's neither here nor there.
Geno
Nobody can see it.
Justin "The Juice"
Nobody can see it, who cares? But the only thing that kind of made me a little bit like, uh, was, uh, that is not the stiffest car in the world, especially with the front end being quite rusty underneath the quarter panels. Um, and around the, uh, the, the, the— oh God, the, the strut tower brick, the strut towers.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Um, that's where they all rust out. Um, mine is definitely no exception. Uh, it's gonna need to be fixed eventually, but it'll be fine for, you know, a couple years, I'm thinking. Um, especially now that I'm out of the north, so it shouldn't rust out any further. Um, yeah, that one winter out in Sandusky, um, did not do it any favors. But I mean, I'm out of there, I'm back in Tennessee, should be okay. Um, but it is not the most structurally rigid vehicle. So, um, after doing all that and bending the frame rails a little bit, um, put the car back down on the ground, went and drove it around to go test the brakes. Brakes felt great, but, uh, my driver's side door started sagging a little bit more, and that meant that the, uh— Oh, shit. So instead of actually doing the right thing, I did the Hampians thing and Put some flex tape on the door to buffer it, and the problem is solved, baby!
Geno
That's damn well what you do. I mean, does that share a— is that switch used in models that were sold domestically here? You can just plug it in?
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, I can get the switch easy fucking peasy.
Geno
Except for the job part.
Justin "The Juice"
But I don't have any money, so you know what I do have? Flex tape.
Geno
Works for ya. Oh boy.
Justin "The Juice"
And I don't even think it's— I don't even know if getting a whole new switch would fully fix the problem. I would have to— basically, I should get a full— a whole new switch, and I should also get this little thing for the latch. There's a little cover for the latch on the door, or the latch on the frame that the door latches into, and that cover is made of plastic, and it's to kind of keep it from rattling. And that kind of like picks the door up a tiny little bit and kind of keeps it in place a little bit better. So that issue wouldn't be as prominent, especially if I had a proper switch. But that's all gone away and, you know, rotted away over the years. So these things have it. This is one of the common— this is not an uncommon issue. I've heard other people complain about this. Mm-hmm. But instead of doing anything proper to fix it, I bodged it, which if it works, it works, baby.
Geno
Yeah, full send.
Justin "The Juice"
But that's what I've been doing with the Stagea, uh, and the Expedition. But outside of that, everything's been fine with it. Um, I'm happy with the— by how I did. I'm, I'm happy I didn't snap off any brake lines or nipples. That's all I'm really happy about.
Geno
Snapping nipples is never Well, that's not true. Sometimes it's fun.
Justin "The Juice"
Snapping nipples is plenty of fun, but not when they're rusty.
Geno
Yeah, not the rusty ones on your brakes. No. Oh boy, that, uh—
Justin "The Juice"
Never want rusty nipples.
Geno
That gives me,
Justin "The Juice"
uh,
Geno
nightmares back to my old, uh, my first 240. The, um, the front calipers on a Volvo 240, 3 bleed screws.
Justin "The Juice"
Why?
Geno
Uh, because they were— the way they were cast, instead of like making a 2-piece or having a crossover pipe, it's all internal. So you basically have to bleed each side and the crossover channel independently of each other. To get all the air out.
Justin "The Juice"
Well, that's fucking obnoxious.
Geno
Oh yeah, it's terrible.
Justin "The Juice"
I'm glad that the— that— so the brakes on the Stagea are actually from a Z32. Um, they're not OE Stagea brakes, they're, they're 300ZX brakes. Um, I think twin turbo 300ZX brakes. Um, which makes it a lot easier to find parts in the States for them, I will say. Now that I know what they are. Um, it's way easier to find brake pads and calipers and rotors and everything. Um, but originally I didn't know they were Z32 300ZX brakes, so I went through the hubbub of trying to figure out exactly what parts, what brake pads would fit the Stagea brakes, and I had to get like front pads from a I don't even remember. And then some sort of '90s Nissan, and then rear pads from like an, uh, Infiniti J32 or some shit, or M30 or some shit. It's like a J32 and an M30, a whole mix, mix of bullshit. I'm glad that it has Z32 brakes, makes it a lot easier to work on. But
Geno
it's like
Justin "The Juice"
the red stuff, the red stuff, yellow stuff.
Geno
EBC.
Justin "The Juice"
EBC, yeah. I bought some fucking EBC like yellow stuffs. Originally. And of course they didn't work. And I still have them if anyone needs them for like an M30 or some shit, whatever it is, a '90s Infiniti. But instead I bought some like Power Stop bullshits that are not nearly as good, but they should last a long time at least. So, and yeah, the car, it's a boat. It— I did some emergency stops to test to make sure I didn't fuck anything up. And, um, it doesn't— it, it on dry, on the dry road, uh, I mean admittedly quite rough dry road, but still dry road, it does not activate the ABS when I do a full emergency stop, which kind of scares me because the thing does not stop as well as it— I would like it to. But I also know that These things are kind of known for not having the greatest brakes in the world, which is why people throw Z32 brakes on them. They're— it's just kind of a boat, you know?
Geno
Mm-hmm. All right, yeah, so I got that. I did, um, I replaced the fuel filler hose on, on my wife's van, so hopefully that doesn't leak when I'm filling it anymore.
Justin "The Juice"
That, that would be good if that didn't happen.
Geno
Yeah, hey, it'd be ideal.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, I'd say.
Geno
Um, I'm thinking it will probably also fix the, uh, the EVAP leak code it's been setting.
Justin "The Juice"
Hopefully.
Geno
Yeah, if not, whatever, I don't care. It's just EVAP leak code. It doesn't mean it— it doesn't
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, but I mean, does it throw— throw a check engine light?
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, it's annoying.
Geno
It's annoying.
Justin "The Juice"
It's not a Volkswagen. You don't want that to be on all the time.
Geno
Um, then I got some— I gotta do her oil change here in this next week, and I got some— I got some parts to do a little front suspension work on the 940 before And yeah, I gotta put the, the new wheels on it here in the next couple of weeks before it, uh, before the, the solid precipitation season begins.
Justin "The Juice"
Mmm, crunchy rain. Yeah, that's all I really got when it comes to car stuff I was doing. I— you know what, okay, actually there's one more thing I was gonna do but I didn't end up doing today. And, uh, I think I'll do it tomorrow. Um, you know what I haven't done on the— so you know how I can put a video input into the center screen, the GPS screen on the Stagia, and I fucked it up?
Geno
No, but go on.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, okay. I can— the OE GPS system that's in the Stagia, it's a Xanavi unit, and it has a TV tuner for Japan. Um, and it obviously doesn't work. Um, the GPS only in, you know, only shows Japan. Obviously doesn't work in the States. It says I'm on like the West Coast or the— does it? I think it thinks I'm on the West Coast of Japan for some reason.
Geno
That makes even less sense.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, makes even less sense. The screen is all cracked and shitty from being ancient LCD. That's the, the— it's like delaminating. Mm-hmm. Um, sun damage, looks like shit. But you know, it's, it's novel. It's fun to have it. Uh, it also houses the— it also does the AC controls. So it's still like, you can replace it with another unit, but you gotta screw with the wiring. So everybody does it usually. I don't feel like getting rid of it because I like having the novelty of having a Japanese late '90s GPS system in my car. It's fun. Mm-hmm. Especially because it has a video input and I could play the Initial D DVD I have chilling in the trunk for, uh, or chilling in the back just for posterity purposes. Um, but I have played like Initial D, I think, on the screen. I have played— I've watched— I've like laid in the back on a mattress and watched a football game on the screen.
Geno
Nice. Um,
Justin "The Juice"
I've played like a Japanese baseball game on the screen just for JDM purposes. I've watched like— I've watched like Hot Version on it. Um, uh, Fuck, what's it? You know, what the fuck is the full name of Hot Version? Hot Version. Best Motoring. Best Motoring Hot Version. Yeah.
Geno
Got it.
Justin "The Juice"
I've watched that shit on it, which is like that Japanese car review old. I think it ran until relatively recently, or at least 2016 or something. But it's like the '90s. Eh. It's like a car show where they test new cars that came out, but then they do like a Gran Turismo-ass race on Tsukuba or Tsukuba or whatever the— however you pronounce it, um, where they'll have like an NSX versus a GTR versus a, uh, 3000GT versus a Supra. The most Gran Turismo-ass race you could think of, they'll do that in real life on Tsukuba. Or like they'll do like a wagon race, like the Stagea they had versus like a Legacy GT wagon versus a Mitsubishi fuck. La la la la la la. Why can't I think of the name? Mitsubishi. Mitsubishi wagon. Da da da da da da. Legnum, fucking Legnum VR4 versus like a Volvo V70R versus like they like sick-ass shit. If you've never seen Hot Version, you should watch it. It's the most fucking awesome shit you could possibly watch. And on YouTube, they have like auto-dubbed versions now, like AI auto-dubbed, which It's kind of gross, but at the same time I can actually comprehend the— if you want to have it on in the background and like listen to what they're saying, it's kind of nice. Yeah. You don't have to sit there and read subtitles. Anyway, um, I played all that on the screen. It was fun. I had my novelty moment. But there's one thing that I got reminded of that I haven't played on the screen, and I don't know what kind of nerd you are, But if you're a special type of nerd, you'll understand the one Japanese thing that you just play on a screen, especially if it's like a 1-bit screen, which this isn't like a 1-bit like screen, but on like low-quality screens, especially if they're black and white, which once again, this isn't black and white, it's a full-color screen, but just— I'm just leading into the thing that everyone is gonna understand, which is you— You play goddamn motherfucking Bad Apple. I don't know if you're the kind of nerd who knows what Bad Apple is.
Geno
I'm not familiar.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh my God. All right, somebody will know who's listening, but the, the Japanese thing that you play on screens to like me— just as a meme to like test them, whatever. is Bad Apple. And it's like a— it's like a— is it even a— is it even a Vocaloid song? It's like— or it's like an old Touhou song. Do you know what Touhou is?
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Okay, it's like a Touhou song that has a music video that's like black and white silhouettes.
Geno
Okay, I see this. Yes.
Justin "The Juice"
And people like— they'll like get a command line interface, like a The command prompt. And they'll have like the command prompt run a code to like play Bad Apple in like ASCII. They'll do shit like that. It's like kind of— it's a meme. It's a long-ass running meme. So the one thing that I was gonna do today that I didn't do, because I instead got caught up trying to fuck with an old, um, radio that I had, um, which ended up failing. Um, was I was gonna play Bad Apple on my fucking car, which I'll do that tomorrow. I got nothing better to do. Although I got a friend. I, I supposedly have a friend coming down to visit tomorrow night, so—
Geno
Nice.
Justin "The Juice"
I have not had human interaction in 2 weeks. I will be very happy to have someone here. And we will, we will party, um, and I will play Bad Apple in my car.
Geno
Very nice, very nice.
Justin "The Juice"
And I'll make sure to send— I'll, you know what, I'll even post a video on our socials because it's, it's kind of iconic.
Geno
I'm here for that.
Justin "The Juice"
It might, it might honestly get It might go viral because Bad Apple is enough of a meme to where somebody would think that's funny. Um, oh, I completely forgot. You know, you know what, you know what I did? I played Gran Turismo on the screen and I drove a Stagia in the Stagia.
Geno
Yo, dog, I heard you like driving
Justin "The Juice"
All right, um, do you want to move on to our segments and stop, stop bullshitting here and get into some real good bullshit?
Geno
Yeah, we should probably like get into the meat and potatoes.
Justin "The Juice"
So let's see. So last week, um, I came up with the idea of let's put a hurricane into every Stellantis product, um, or bring back some Stellantis products, some fantasy Stellantis products that deserve a Hurricane motor, or a theoretical V12 Hurricane. Um, I don't think we're going to complete that this week, although I want to keep the idea running because I think we need Caleb here for that.
Geno
Yeah, we gotta have Caleb here to finish that.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. Um, but, but we can come up with a, a new idea. And, uh, what was that new idea, Gino?
Geno
Uh, for every manufacturer currently selling cars in the US, pick a nameplate to revive. I think I got it here. So it starts off— the list I got starts with American brands, so we're gonna start it off with Ford.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, Ford. Bring back a— what's a good Ford to bring back? Hmm, Mustang II. Mustang II. No,
Geno
but in a serious answer, you know what, there aren't enough like full-sized or even like anything like a full-size. Bring back the Galaxy.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah. Um, see, options would be like Galaxy, Fairmont, uh, Crown Vic, LTD. Um, yeah, Gran Torino.
Geno
Ooh,
Justin "The Juice"
ooh, Gran Torino would actually be really good.
Geno
The Grand— I like a new, a modernized Gran Torino. Could be really sick. Hmm. I have an even worse idea.
Justin "The Juice"
What?
Geno
Take the, uh, the platform that the Maverick and the smaller Bronco are built on, drop it, put a more sedan— or put a more car-shaped 2-door body on it with the bed, make it ass ugly, and call it a Ranchero.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, that's a great— oh, front-wheel drive Ranchero though. I mean, or all-wheel drive, but front-wheel drive-based Ranchero.
Geno
I mean, yeah, I guess with front-wheel drive you almost have to call it a Dodge Rampage, but—
Justin "The Juice"
A Ford Dodge Rampage.
Geno
But like, realistically, as a sedan, I like the, uh, I like the Galaxy.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, I think realistically you could bring again— bring back the Crown Vic idea but then call it a Galaxy, because I think the Crown Vic name is a little tainted, unfortunately. I think with us dweebs like us love the Crown Vic, but for normies, I don't think they would necessarily be here for a Crown Vic because they would associate it with either Grandma or Sheriff— Sheriff Grandma. Throw it on the Explorer platform, it's rear-wheel drive.
Geno
Could do, could do. I see it. I was thinking like, yeah, they, they don't have a sedan platform anymore to build it on.
Justin "The Juice"
No. Well, and you know, maybe— you know what, maybe it would actually make sense to go electric, so Mach-E platform.
Geno
Oh yeah,
Justin "The Juice"
that would make a lot of sense because the Mach-E is relatively big, but it's still not a truck. So actually, that would probably be more comfortable, and that would probably work a little bit easier. Like, if you've noticed these manufacturers recently, they're getting a little more bold with their body style choices in this, especially, uh, like South Korean manufacturers and whatnot. And it's because they have so much modular— modularity with their electric car platforms. So I feel like it's actually easier to build out a weird body style on an electric car platform because you have so much more different places to move shit. You don't got to worry about the engine bay.
Geno
You can stick a rack of 18650s anywhere.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, exactly. You can just throw a bunch of vape batteries in there and call it a day. And, uh, yeah, so I think, uh, maybe actually bring back the Galaxy, make it electric, throw it on the Mach-E platform. call it a day. Because I mean, you could do what Stellantis is doing, but that's always with, uh, having both a gas-powered and an electric version. While I think that's an awesome idea, um, I don't think that would— I don't think that would actually be a very financially viable idea. And, uh, you should really never copy what Stellantis is doing.
Geno
Well, I feel like having to make a you know, be able to make a gas version of an electric platform is limiting.
Justin "The Juice"
The only reason it is, and the only reason I say that they should do that, is because I really, really badly would want a Galaxy 500.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
And I'm talking full-blown 500 cubic inch engine in that bitch.
Geno
See, I would even settle for Galaxy 5.0.
Justin "The Juice"
Call it a Galaxy 500, but just throw a 5.0 in it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Geno
Like, it's a 500cc, it's fine.
Justin "The Juice"
500cc range extender in the electric. Oh man, I would sue Ford if they did that shit. I'd be like, y'all are some bitches. All right, we can move on. All
Geno
right, so we got Ford nailed down. If we're doing dead ones, like, for Ford, we gotta do Mercury.
Justin "The Juice"
We gotta do Mercury. Cougar.
Geno
Yeah, it's, it's really only the Cougar.
Justin "The Juice"
It's gotta be the Cougar.
Geno
Or the Marauder. It's the Cougar.
Justin "The Juice"
It's gotta be the Cougar.
Geno
I like— you just build it on the Mustang platform. That's easy.
Justin "The Juice"
Yep. You build it on the Mustang platform, but, uh, get cues from the— go completely out of left field and tank your sales, but I would buy one if I had the money. Um, get your design cues from the late '90s, early 2000s Mercury Cougar, the New Edge one. I think that's a sick-ass car.
Geno
They were cool looking. Oh man, yeah. But yeah, Cougar built up— just go, go hog wild with it.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, I mean, honestly, kind of get, get all design cues from all the generations of Cougar. Give it a, give it sort of a, give it a front end from like this, like the '60s, like slat grille, uh, hideaway headlights one. Give it a sort of a, um, uh, uh, roofline from like the Cougar XR7, um, because that was kind of cool. And then give it some like tail lights, give it the ass from like the Cat Cougar, the late '90s, early 2000s one. Done. Yeah, you're right, it's Mustang. Yeah.
Geno
Okay, I haven't looked at this. Why does the front end of the 2000s Mercury Cougar looks so much like the same era of Hyundai Tiburon.
Justin "The Juice"
I mean, that—
Geno
Also a sick-ass car.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, like, but like the non-ugly Tiburon, not, not the double headlight one.
Geno
No, no, like the, the late, like the early 2000s, like, yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah.
Geno
The second gen Tiburon. My, my ex had a, had a second gen Tiburon GT in yellow. And while it was working, that was such a sick-looking car. And if it had a 6-speed, it would have just been—
Justin "The Juice"
Those are actually pretty sick cars. Um, yeah, it's like that, that early 2000s, uh, sport coupe, front-wheel drive sport coupe design was like— you're looking at the Tiburon, you're looking at the Cougar, you're looking at the, um, honestly even kind of the Eclipse, um, and you're looking at the, uh, Celica. All of those are kind of the same car, and they're good. They're good. I, I was, I was a hater back in the day because they were front-wheel drive and non-turbo, except for the Eclipse, I guess. But they were cool. But they're cool. They're cool. They just look cool, and sometimes that's all that matters with like In my, in my maturity, I've realized that sometimes all that fucking matters with a car is that it looks cool. You can drive like shit, as long as it looks cool, you're ballin'.
Geno
Like, yeah, bring back the economy-ish front-wheel drive sports coupe.
Justin "The Juice"
Toyota Paseo!
Geno
The problem with the Toyota Paseo is you can't have a car and name it walk.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh yeah, it is pronounced Paseo.
Geno
Like,
Justin "The Juice"
is that mean walk in Spanish?
Geno
Yeah, you can't name your car walk.
Justin "The Juice"
Well, it basically is that slow, so— oh my God. Um, fuck. Uh, okay, what I was saying with, with sometimes all you have to have a car— have with the car is it has to look cool. It has to look cool because, you know, when I was like a fucking teenager, I'm like, this shit has to be like— it has to have the best steering feel so that, you know, you could whip it around a track. Yeah. And it's like I haven't ever been to a track.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
I mean, I've been to it. I haven't ever raced around it. I've been to a track to watch a race, but I haven't ever— I haven't ever gone on a track day.
Geno
I've got friends who are trying to get me into autocross, and I need to find a good job.
Justin "The Juice"
I have autocrossed. I have autocrossed. But even then, autocrossing is fun because you're taking your car and whipping that shit. Not because you have the best car in the world, it's just because you're taking your car and having fun with it. I autocrossed— see, I thought I was gonna autocross the Egg, the Mark VII GTI I had, which would have been fantastic for autocross. Never autocrossed it. Sure, I took it down the Tail of the Dragon a few times, um, a little too spiritedly and got a ticket, but, um—
Geno
Dumbass.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah.
Geno
But, uh, it was fun though, right?
Justin "The Juice"
It was. Yeah, it was. It was worth it. Um, and but like, honestly, the, the shit I did with that car most of the time was just back roads and highway pulls. Um, the only car I actually ever autocrossed was my goddamn automatic Lexus IS300 that my sister still has, at which I, I— and it had shit dogshit tires when I autocrossed it. And it was, uh, and I was like 17, 16, 17, had no fucking idea what I was doing, but I had a blast. So like, it's— autocrossing is more about rung what you brung rather than, you know— Yeah, sure, if you're serious about it Do what some motherfuckers there did and build a custom Cobra kit car. What, like Shelby Cobra kit car wide body? Give it R comps.
Geno
Mm-hmm. Yeah, like that Tiburon, I drove it a few times. Was it a fast car? Not really. Was it— did it handle great? Not really. Was it a fucking blast? Hell yeah! And you looked cool driving it.
Justin "The Juice"
And that's my point. That's why I bring back shit like the Tiburon, bring back shit like the Mercury Cougar.
Geno
Bring back cheap sporty coupes. Not sport coupes, sporty.
Justin "The Juice"
If you were to do that, then I would say bring back the Ford Probe.
Geno
Yeah, if you're gonna— or if you're gonna bring back or create a front-wheel drive platform, bring back the Cougar and the Probe.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes, but put the Cougar on the Mustang platform. I mean, it is a Mercury. It is supposed to be slightly higher, like slightly higher up in the, in the, uh, in the, in the range than, uh, a Ford. So put it on the Mustang platform, but then also bring back the Probe so we can have our
Geno
Yeah, front-wheel drive. Um, you know, it could be electric. I don't care. Have an electric probe. Who gives a shit?
Justin "The Juice"
Electric probe that vibrates.
Geno
Um, that's a different show. All right, I think that's, that's enough for those. Uh, let's round out the, the faux Moco experience with Lincoln.
Justin "The Juice"
You forgot Edsel. No, we're not talking.
Geno
No, we're not talking. So do we— so for Lincoln, there's 2 options as I see it. You go full luxo barge sedan and bring back the Continental, or you increment and have a Mark IX.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, you know, since they recently just did a Continental, and I actually really love the last generation Continental. I'm, I'm kind of, uh, an apologist for the last generation Continental.
Geno
Yeah, they were cool.
Justin "The Juice"
One of the things that makes me, um, one of my favorite builds of all time is the— those guys who did a V10 last-gen Continental. You've seen that, right?
Geno
I, I believe so, yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
6-speed, uh, they took a fucking, uh, 5.8, um, I think it was a 5.8, uh, truck V10, and they took 2 sets of Mustang Cobra 4-valve modular, because the, the Triton V10 is a mod motor, right?
Geno
Yep.
Justin "The Juice"
Then they took 2 sets of Triton, uh, or not Triton, um, they took 2 sets of Ford, uh, Cobra, uh, Mustang Cobra, uh,
Geno
heads,
Justin "The Juice"
heads, split them up, welded them back together, and made a custom 4-valve V10, and that is what is powering that thing. It's insane.
Geno
I love everything about it.
Justin "The Juice"
And they made it rear-wheel drive, and it's a 6-speed manual, and it sounds like an F1 car. It's the great— and it's still luxurious as fuck. They finished the build with like custom, like, um, turbine wheels, chrome turbine wheels, like, um, exposed carbon fiber everywhere. Um, like, I'm— you know what I'm talking about with like the natural weave carbon fiber?
Geno
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Um, and then they did like a full, um, they finished out the interior with like embroidered headrests with like a custom V10 logo. And oh, oh my God, you remember that, right?
Geno
Did they make a 4-door convertible version?
Justin "The Juice"
They didn't make a fuck— no, they didn't make a convertible version. They didn't make a, a JFK special. But remember, they— Ford made an official suicide door version that I think they called it the Coach Door, and they made a few hundred of them of the Continental.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
And like, they extended the wheelbase, and oh my God, I would kill for one of those. Um, but considering Ford just did a Continental Or Lincoln. And I think it might be time to bring back the Mark, the Mark series. I think a Mark IX, that would kick ass.
Geno
Wow, Mark IX would be sweet.
Justin "The Juice"
And just throw it on the Mustang platform again. Easy, done.
Geno
Yeah, throw it on the Mustang platform and send it.
Justin "The Juice"
Throw it on the Mustang platform, give it a damn, give it— go full Lincoln with it. Like even nicer than the Navigator. Call it a day.
Geno
Yeah, big full-size luxury coupe.
Justin "The Juice"
Big massive full-size luxury coupe.
Geno
It might honestly, like the, the only problem with the Mustang platform might not be big enough.
Justin "The Juice"
Explorer platform.
Geno
Oh, build a luxury coupe on the— ah.
Justin "The Juice"
It'd be huge, and that would actually be amazing.
Geno
Yeah, bring back big coupes.
Justin "The Juice"
Bring back PLCs, personal luxury coupes.
Geno
And offer it in a convertible. Big convertibles are awesome, and nobody makes a big vert anymore.
Justin "The Juice"
And you know, the only problem with the Explorer platform is I don't think they ever threw a V8 in that, but somehow, uh, Ham Fist the 5-liter in it and you call it a day. Except, except give it some weird intake like the old Lincolns had compared to the Fords, you know what I'm saying? They had like the Intech V8s instead of the— yeah, the— like, it was still like a mod motor, but they had an aluminum head and intake and shit. Do that.
Geno
Yeah, put a little gravy on it. You're Lincoln, for God's sake.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah, give it a little— give it a little salt, sprinkle some shit on it. Give it some like sexy intake runners.
Geno
Ford, you're welcome for the idea.
Justin "The Juice"
But then, but then it somehow makes less power but is smoother.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
It's got like a much— it's got like a much calmer cam in it.
Geno
You know what, at this point, V10 it.
Justin "The Juice"
Fuck it, bring back the Triton V10.
Geno
Like, make it a— like, do like Dodge did with the Viper. Make an aluminum block version of it for the weight. Throw it in the Mark IX.
Justin "The Juice"
Let's go, baby. Actually, wait, wait, wait. You're not ready. You're not ready.
Geno
Okay, okay.
Justin "The Juice"
Explorer platform.
Geno
Mm-hmm.
Justin "The Juice"
Gigantic personal luxury coupe. Yep. It's not called the Mark IX.
Geno
Okay, okay.
Justin "The Juice"
It's got 2 V6s from the Explorer platform put together.
Geno
Okay.
Justin "The Juice"
4 turbos.
Geno
Okay.
Justin "The Juice"
So we got a quad turbo V12 and we call it the Zephyr.
Geno
Oh, yes!
Justin "The Juice"
Because the Lincoln Zephyr had a V12.
Geno
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Justin "The Juice"
That's heritage, baby.
Geno
Half the car is hood.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes.
Geno
Not all. Okay, here we go. Personal luxury coupe.
Justin "The Juice"
F-150 platform.
Geno
No, no, no, no, no, let me
Justin "The Juice"
finish.
Geno
Make it even bigger. It's on the Explorer platform, but it's a 2-seater because half that fucker is hood.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes. You're sitting like 50 feet behind the hood. And, and, and it comes— and the hood opens center hinge.
Geno
Yes.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh baby.
Geno
Or forward.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, actually it was early '40s. Damn. '42 Lincoln Zephyr. Convertible. Yes! Yes! Look at that fucking thing!
Geno
Oh, that's gorgeous.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh my God, that's what we need back.
Geno
Fender skirt.
Justin "The Juice"
Fender skirts. All right, yeah, give it some fucking fender skirts. That would be— oh, I would, I would sell everything.
Geno
Yeah, deep fender skirts too. Like, I just want to see like 2 inches of wheel below that.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah. And then, um, bring it to Houston and have some motherfucker give it some fucking, um, uh, swag— swangers or whatever the fuck, the, the Dayton wheels that poke out to shit on the front.
Geno
I mean, you can't do that if you got deep fender skirts.
Justin "The Juice"
No, but only on the front.
Geno
That's the worst idea I've ever heard.
Justin "The Juice"
Somebody call Houston. Houston, we have a problem. All right, let's move on to the general because I think that's the peak of the ideas we'll have.
Geno
Yes. So I think we start with Chevrolet. Corvair.
Justin "The Juice"
Bring back the Corvair?
Geno
I want a mid-engine economy Chevy.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, fuck it, bring back the Corvair.
Geno
Fuck it, we ball.
Justin "The Juice"
Fuck it, we ball.
Geno
Either that or the, uh, it's on the Chevette.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, or a Chevette. No, fuck it, Corvair. Bring back Corvair, 4-door economy, but rear engine, not mid-engine. But I guess it would have to be mid-engine because the only thing you could to build it on would be a C8 platform.
Geno
And you could offer it— offer a coupe version too, and the truck version. I want the full Corvair line. I want, I want the truck, van. I want— yeah, I want the side ramp truck, I want the van, I want the 4-door, and I want the coupe. Because that's the other thing, you know what, there used to be variations in a model range. You used to be able to get it in different things. You can't do Like, mild Corolla was available in like 5 different configurations.
Justin "The Juice"
Well, you could argue the Mustang, you could get a coupe or a crossover, an electric crossover.
Geno
Yeah, but you'd be wrong. It's not the same car.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. Um, I'm trying to think, I'm trying to think platform-wise and like Powertrain-wise, what would be best? So because it was like a forward-thinking car and because it was a flat-6 and super technologically advanced, I honestly think it would have to be electric.
Geno
I think so.
Justin "The Juice"
So electric Corvair, that would make it easier to like give it the body shape it would need.
Geno
Or hybrid, build it on the Volt platform.
Justin "The Juice"
They don't make the Volt anymore.
Geno
Bring it back.
Justin "The Juice"
All right.
Geno
Or don't.
Justin "The Juice"
Flip a Volt around.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Flip a Volt around, have the, uh, the range extender basically in the ass.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah.
Geno
Yeah, take a Volt, turn it around.
Justin "The Juice"
I'm okay with this.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
That's actually a fantastic idea. That would be like Easily, like, all you would have to do is take a Volt and flip it around, and then you have a Corvair. Done. Just like that.
Geno
Like, they're both bad cars.
Justin "The Juice"
Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'm a Volt apologist. I think the Volt's good.
Geno
I mean, I'm just going with it because my friend Chris— I sent you the picture— he has a Chevy Volt, and the vanity plate says bad car.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. But he has a first-gen Volt. That's the good one. The second gen's the one that's kind of meh. Look, all I can say is he's got autocross decals and shit on that thing. Does he autocross it?
Geno
No, he autocrosses his, uh, he took that to Nationals. I think it was the chase car, but he autocrosses his, um, um, S2000.
Justin "The Juice"
Okay, well, that's not a bad car to autocross, but neither is the Volt. I'm telling you, from the little I've driven one spiritedly, that shit sticks to the fucking ground because those batteries hold that bitch down. It feels planted. It would kill in an autocross, especially with an autocross being such a slow, low-speed, short acceleration, Yeah. Tight cornering situation, the instant torque from the fucking electric motors gets you up to 30 miles an hour like that. They don't get you much further than that very quickly, but they get you up to 30 real damn quick, so they pull you out of a corner real good.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
While you're combusting, I'm thrusting.
Geno
And, uh, and in a Corvair situation, it'd be even better.
Justin "The Juice"
It would be because it'd be like a factory.
Geno
Like, I, I sent you guys the, um, the Instagram page for the Corvairius, right?
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, you're right.
Geno
It's just a factory version of that. It's genius.
Justin "The Juice"
That's perfect. It's genius. All right.
Geno
It's the perfect car.
Justin "The Juice"
It's the part— you're, you're right. It's the perfect car. We're done here.
Geno
You're welcome, General Motors. Um, then I think we go Buick.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, Buick.
Geno
Buick. So my first thought with Buick was bring back the Electra as an electric sedan, but they're already planning to do that.
Justin "The Juice"
Are they? Uh, well, that's pretty obvious. That's—
Geno
It's like even General Motors isn't dumb enough to miss that fucking layup.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, that's, that's, that's a Yeah, that's, uh, just
Geno
a layup.
Justin "The Juice"
That's a layup.
Geno
So, uh, we had our really, really dumb, uh, Ford idea with, uh, the 2-seater. Bring back the Riata.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh.
Geno
Just a little sporty front-wheel drive vert. Okay, bring back the Buick Century, but it's just a gray market import Toyota Century that you slapped a Buick badge on.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, hell yeah! No, even better. Wikipedia says Buick Skylarks were assembled in Iran from 1977 to 1981 and again from 1986 to 1988 under the brand name of Buick Iran.
Geno
Alright.
Justin "The Juice"
Give me some— bring— give me an Iranian Buick Skylark for some reason.
Geno
I'm still like— I'm still sticking with Riata.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, no, I'm still sticking with— I honestly think that was the best pull. Yeah, bring back the Riata and give it a CRT screen.
Geno
touchscreen. What's, uh, what's the engine in that gonna be?
Justin "The Juice"
Uh,
Geno
uh, I think like even if we do it on the, the rear-wheel drive, like the, the Theta platform like you were saying, I still think it needs a V6.
Justin "The Juice"
Kappa platform. Okay, so no, no, no. Well, okay, the Miata was front-wheel drive though, right?
Geno
It was, but Like,
Justin "The Juice"
so there's options.
Geno
There's options, but it doesn't need to stay that way. Like, it could be rear-wheel drive.
Justin "The Juice"
It'd be better rear-wheel drive.
Geno
Hear me out, and I know this is gonna sound crazy. 3800 Series 3, we just update that bad boy, throw twin-cam heads on it, supercharge it. Why not
Justin "The Juice"
skip Series 3 entirely, call it Series 4 just because Y makes sense.
Geno
It's GM.
Justin "The Juice"
It's GM. It doesn't need to make sense. It sounds more modern if we call it a Series 4. Um, supercharge it. Um, twin charge it. Twin charge hybrid. Make it a Volvo.
Geno
Um. Except for nearly twice the displacement.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. Um, it's got like 413 horsepower specifically. Um, and I mean, fuck it, they're gonna make another Camaro on like the next-gen Alpha platform or whatever the fuck. Just throw it on the Camaro platform.
Geno
Yeah, that's fine.
Justin "The Juice"
Shortened Camaro platform.
Geno
Yeah, short wheelbase Camaro. Done.
Justin "The Juice"
Done. Easy. Uh, convertible. Convertible.
Geno
Convertible as an option for sure. Um,
Justin "The Juice"
yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's gotta have a 3800.
Geno
All right, so coming off of Buick, let's go into— do we do, do we do, uh, I mean, it's BOP, so we do Oldsmobile, then Pontiac.
Justin "The Juice"
Well, Cadillac.
Geno
Yeah, but we do Buick, Oldsmobile, Pontiac first.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, all right, all right, let's do Oldsmobile.
Geno
Um, I mean, I feel like my heart says Toronado, but really '88.
Justin "The Juice"
My heart says Aurora.
Geno
Ooh, but like, if you really want that Oldsmobile flavor, '88, and it's got to say rocket on there somewhere.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, that'd fit with our current fascist empire, wouldn't it?
Geno
God, that'd— yeah, but I'll— oh, fuck, I hate— like, I hate that the number 88 is permanently tainted.
Justin "The Juice"
Hey, look, it was— that's not what they meant when they made the car, so it's fine. I just had to make that joke because I knew it'd make.
Geno
So does that mean the the real Rocket 88 was a V2?
Justin "The Juice"
God damn it, that was good. Oh God! Does that mean that? So so. If we're going with that logic, that means that, um, an Oldsmobile went to the moon.
Geno
Oldsmobile gave us Iron Sky.
Justin "The Juice"
Actually, wait, what did they— who worked on the NASA moon rover?
Geno
Nazi— well, Nazis did the rocket.
Justin "The Juice"
The rocket, but the rover. The, the car. If it's Oldsmobile, I'm gonna shit a brick. I'm looking this up. Uh, Lunar Apollo 15 Lunar Roving Vehicle.
Geno
Manufacturer Boeing and General Motors. So sort of Oldsmobile.
Justin "The Juice"
It actually was General Motors. General Motors. Oh my God! Oh my God! What have we done? No! Oh, fucking hell! Oh, I'm losing it.
Geno
Mr. Bolsonaro's gonna have a bitch editing this month.
Justin "The Juice"
This This part stays in. This part stays in. That's too good. Holy shit. There's— we, we just, we just 6th degree of Kevin Bacon'd Oldsmobile to the moon. Oh my God. Uh,
Geno
so
Justin "The Juice"
Nazi Oldsmobiles, love to see it. Just kidding. Okay,
Geno
like, uh,
Justin "The Juice"
Wait, wait, wait, wait. So what was our decision with Oldsmobile?
Geno
I think the decision was a was a Rocket 88.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with that. Bring back a Rocket 88 and put it on the what platform? The Cadillac platform.
Geno
See what's
Justin "The Juice"
like the CT5's platform.
Geno
Yeah, I guess.
Justin "The Juice"
Might as well. Yeah. But give it cloth seats.
Geno
Let's see then, for, uh, for Pontiac. So we're already bringing back a mid-ish rear-engine-ish car with Chevy. For the Corv— the new Corvair. What if we build just a little bit flashier, a little bit faster, a little hot roddier version of that, call it the Fiero?
Justin "The Juice"
Um, I just— I, I've been— I really, really am struggling to make a joke about how we need to make it catch on fire, but Yeah, yeah, that's the obvious answer. Fiero. I
Geno
mean, it fits with what we've already done, although like,
Justin "The Juice"
or
Geno
bring back Le Mans, bring back Grand Prix.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah, like there's multiple Pontiacs I'd want to bring back. I'd say the front runners for me are a Fiero or a GTO.
Geno
Oh man, I didn't even see
Justin "The Juice"
Like, bring back the Judge, baby. Bring back the Judge.
Geno
Okay, what platform do you just build that on? The— do you just re-body a Corvette for that?
Justin "The Juice"
No, no, you would build it on a Cadillac platform because you would need a rear wheel, or, or the new Camaro platform, like the Alpha platform.
Geno
Build it on the Camaro. Yeah,
Justin "The Juice"
yeah, just build it up, but, but make it a, make it a gigantic Coupe.
Geno
Yeah,
Justin "The Juice"
bigger than a Camaro. Um, but the Fiero would, would work too. Make it electric,
Geno
like the hybrid. Having a hybrid, uh, Fiero, like, but a sport— like, nobody's done a real sporty hybrid yet.
Justin "The Juice"
Well, I mean, there has— there absolutely has been. I mean, you think about the fucking Camaro E-Ray is sporty is a hybrid.
Geno
Okay, but like nobody thinks of that. Like, I know what you're saying, and I know the new, like the, the current gen Prius has a 200 horsepower all-wheel drive option and it's fucking sick as hell.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, and there's like hybrid Porsches and shit. Like the 918 was a hybrid. Like,
Geno
okay, but like They're okay. Nobody has a sporty-ish hybrid that is a normal car price.
Justin "The Juice"
I like, I like where you're going with that though.
Geno
So that brings us to Cadillac.
Justin "The Juice"
Eldorado.
Geno
Yeah, it's the Eldorado.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, Eldorado, the world's largest coupe.
Geno
Yeah,
Justin "The Juice"
it's like 30 feet. Build it on the Escalade platform. Fuck. The fucking Tahoe, Suburban, Silverado platform. Fucking— no, even better, Silverado HD 3500 platform. Make it a fucking heavy-duty truck and it's like 30 feet long.
Geno
But like, but realistically, don't do that. Build it on, build it on a, on an enlarged Camaro platform.
Justin "The Juice"
No, a legitimately Escalade platform.
Geno
I mean, the Escalade's still body on frame though, isn't it?
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, but it's comfortable as shit, so it'd be fine.
Geno
Yeah, I just, I feel like, uh, I mean, I'm for it. Bring back body on frame cars, but because it's the only way we're ever gonna get another 4-door convertible, and I want a 4-door convertible. Like, and I do want— I want stupid cars. I want a big, big coupe, and it needs to come in a convertible.
Justin "The Juice"
Yep.
Geno
It needs a convertible option.
Justin "The Juice"
Yep.
Geno
And it needs to be like—
Justin "The Juice"
And it needs to have, um, Longhorn bull antlers or fucking—
Geno
Horns?
Justin "The Juice"
Horns as the fucking— as an option on the grill.
Geno
And also bench seats.
Justin
Yeah, bench seats with bright red leather.
Geno
It needs to seat 6 comfortably. Yeah, on that bench.
Justin "The Juice"
Yep. Column shifter.
Geno
Mm-hmm. Just a wallowing pig of a car.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, just a pig. Just a boat. Not a boat. Not even a yacht. A fucking sh— a, a, a oil tanker of a fucking car.
Geno
And you know what? Have a hybrid option if you want.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, fuck it. Like, I want that bitch to be so big it's stuck in the Strait of Hormuz right now.
Geno
It's stuck in the— no, it wasn't the— what was that one that got stuck in the
Justin "The Juice"
Evergrande?
Geno
In the Suez Canal.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how big it needs to be.
Geno
I wanted— like, I'm sensing a theme here. This, this show likes Giant fucking coupes and tiny little sporty coupes.
Justin "The Juice"
Hell yeah.
Geno
And everything in between can get fucked.
Justin "The Juice"
Yep. Give me the largest fuck-off mobile that you could possibly have, the smallest little dinky bullshit you could possibly have, and then everything in between is nothing but wagons.
Geno
Yeah. All right, so we've, uh, we've gotten through Ford and GM, and now on to Chrysler.
Justin "The Juice"
Let's start with Plymouth.
Geno
All right, what are we bringing back from Plymouth? Uh, the Voyager?
Justin "The Juice"
Just, just one of our options. One of our answers is just the the most normal thing possible. Just like, yeah, just a minivan. Yeah, 4-cylinder turbo hybrid all-wheel drive. All right, next. No, no, no, that's not— that's not to the spirit.
Geno
I mean, actually, you know what, a turbo— a turbo Plymouth minivan would be fitting in with, uh, everything we're about though,
Justin "The Juice"
if it was It's like an OG Turbo Plymouth minivan. Yeah, stick Turbo Plymouth. Okay, OG Voyager, but it's stick.
Geno
Yes.
Justin "The Juice"
It's boxy and you can tune the ever-living dog shit out of it, so it's making like 600 horsepower out of a 2-liter turbo 4, like an EA888. Like, because like the Mark 7, my Mark 7 GTI, right? Uh-huh. Uh, and like I guess the Mark 8 as well. Um, that's an EA888 Gen 3 2-liter turbo 4-cylinder. Stock, it's like 200-something horsepower. Throw a computer at it, it's making 300-something. Throw a computer and a bigger turbo on it Holy shit, you're making 400, 500, 600 horsepower out of a 2-liter!
Geno
Uh, I, I do love this idea. The other option for the Plymouth, the Barracuda.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, and you have a platform with it with the Charger.
Geno
The only question is, do you go Barracuda or do you go later and just go Cuda.
Justin "The Juice"
I think you do Barracuda and you give it a— and you give it a, um, a, um, not a fastback but the, the hatchback, the liftback. You give it a liftback, a glass liftback like the OG Barracuda, because I think those look good as hell.
Geno
They do look sick, like a '60s Barracuda.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah,
Geno
yeah, a little bit of fin on it like they did with The, um, when Ford brought back the Thunderbird.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, just the Plymouth. We're bringing back the '60s Barracuda with the, with the, the liftback,
Geno
but just a modernization treatment. You got the glass liftback, you got a hint of tail fin,
Justin "The Juice"
and bringing everything back around, it's got a Hurricane.
Geno
Hell yes! But you gotta put it at a Slant.
Justin "The Juice"
Slant Hurricane. Yes, you got it.
Geno
You gotta make sure it's the leaning tower of power.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, hell yeah, I'm here for that. Easy, done. Plymouth taken care of. Sure, you could— I, I mean, look, you could also say like the Prowler, but
Geno
you could say a lot of things,
Justin "The Juice"
but you could say a lot of things, but it's the Barracuda. All right.
Geno
Um, hmm, Chrysler.
Justin "The Juice"
New Yorker.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Or wait, Imperial.
Geno
So we discussed this in the last one because Imperial was its own nameplate for— was its own make for a while. But yeah, Imperial or New Yorker for Chrysler.
Justin "The Juice"
2 trim levels of the same car.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
New Yorker's the slightly less nice one, the Imperial's the slightly more nice one, but they're both boats and they're both built—
Geno
See, that's on the Charger platform.
Justin "The Juice"
I suppose you could build it on the Charger platform, but if you really wanted to make— you could go New Yorker on the Charger platform and then you could go Imperial Entirely different car, not just a different trim level. You could go Imperial on like the fucking Jeep Grand Wagoneer platform.
Geno
Yeah, yeah, you could. Just a big boat.
Justin "The Juice"
Just a giganto boat. Luxo, luxo boat. That's what we're looking for.
Geno
Push-button shift.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh yeah.
Geno
Like the '60s.
Justin "The Juice"
I mean, we, we do that these days anyway, so that would be easy.
Geno
chrome fuck-off dash.
Justin "The Juice"
Big chrome fuck-off dash. Uh-huh. Electroluminescent dash.
Geno
Yes,
Justin "The Juice"
not LED, not anything modern. Bring it back to the OG electroluminescent technology that Chrysler had in the '60s. I've got a fucking electroluminescent nightlight in my bathroom. That shit looks awesome. Shout out EL Technology. Um, Jeep?
Geno
Uh, the Comanche.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah,
Geno
I want a Jeep truck that doesn't look like ass. The only
Justin "The Juice"
other thing I could think of would be the, the,
Geno
like, the Grand Wagoneer, but Actual good?
Justin "The Juice"
No, no, no. I mean, yes, but also that's not what I was thinking of. I was thinking Jeepster.
Geno
Ooh, I, uh, I used to know a guy with a Jeepster. That thing was sick.
Justin "The Juice"
And I mean, that's kind of this— I suppose you could kind of do a Comanche that has a sort of Jeepster vibe, or you could get— have a Jeepster that's basically Comanche. Like, you can kind of combine these 2 things into one car.
Geno
Yeah, but yeah, I would— like, the Gladiator, ass. Complete and utter ass. Like, Jeep made the Gladiator so the 4-door Wrangler would look good next to it.
Justin "The Juice"
But they, they do sell a shit ton of them. They did,
Geno
because Jeep people People are fucking idiots.
Justin "The Juice"
How many ducks you want, bro? Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck.
Geno
Stellantis could drop a steaming shit and slap a Jeep badge on it and people would buy it and stick ducks in it like fucking kernels of corn.
Justin "The Juice"
Uh, right. Are we going Dodge?
Geno
There's only one correct answer for this, and it's the Neon. Do it stupid like the Neon concept with the sliding doors and no B-pillar.
Justin "The Juice"
But it's got to look like a Neon. It's got to have the big bulging eyes. Yeah, it's got to say hello in the ad.
Geno
Yeah, but like the— we, uh, we talked about the old— the first Neon concept a while back where the doors slide like minivans front and back and there's no B-pillar.
Justin "The Juice"
That would be fucking ridiculous.
Geno
Do that on the 2CV electric platform. Bring the Neon concept around. I— shit, I would buy one of those.
Justin "The Juice"
I'm here for this.
Geno
I would buy one of those in a fucking heartbeat.
Justin "The Juice"
They don't make a Viper currently.
Geno
God damn it, they don't make a Viper currently.
Justin "The Juice"
Fuck. Fuck. Viper or Neon? Like, this is a tough choice.
Geno
This is the only podcast where that's a tough choice, but I am torn.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, and these are like complete opposite philosophies too. This is either like you're Viper is you're like drunk at a bar and your dick is out. Neon is like you're sober and— but you're at an autocross and you're enjoying life and you needed— and you had to drive like 60 miles to get to the autocross, so you want a decent gas mileage.
Geno
Man, it's like, God, I love the Viper and I love everything about it. But fuck, I would— the thing is, I would never be able to buy a Viper. I would buy a 2CV-based Neon.
Justin "The Juice"
I'm gonna have to shill for a new Viper, man. I'm just— it's too good.
Geno
We've done a couple before. We can have 2.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, all right, we'll have both. We'll just, we'll just, we'll have to agree to disagree. We're having a new Viper, we're having a new Neon. The Neon's electric, the Viper is very much not. All right, we're taking— we're just, we're chopping a fucking cylinder off a Hurricane, we're slapping 2 of them together, we're calling it a day. There's our V10.
Geno
Up it! Just slap 2 Hurricanes together. V12.
Justin "The Juice"
V12 Viper? That goes against The Viper— oh, that just go— ah, I, I would—
Geno
I know, like, it sounds awesome.
Justin "The Juice"
It sounds awesome, but it's so wrong. A Viper has to be a V10. Oh wait, oh my God, there are no V10s currently being produced. What the fuck is go— no wonder the world's gone to shit. No one's making a V10.
Geno
Okay, I'm just— what I'm hearing is, yeah, lop a cylinder off the Hurricane, slap 2 of them together.
Justin "The Juice"
That's what I'm hearing. Lop a cylinder off the Hurricane, slap 2 together, call it a fucking day. Because I— oh yeah, oh my God, no one's making a V10, and only maybe Volkswagen still makes a fucking inline-5 for an RS3. Yeah, so yeah, I think I just mod motor the fuck out of the Hurricane. I— the Hurricane I do love. I think that, um, an inline-5 Hurricane would sound amazing, and a V10 Hurricane would sound even more amazing. And especially if you gave that thing a flat-plane crank and a super flat-plane crank, naturally aspirated. V10 Hurricane would— oh my God, I'm, I'm going to lose my mind. That would absolutely rip. That would rip so hard. Goddamn. Oh, fuck.
Geno
All right, where were we? We just got through Dodge. Anyway, um, let's see. I think we called it a night. Uh, and remember, if it's not leaking, it's probably low.
Justin "The Juice"
That's true. And, uh, don't smoke Camel Blues.
Geno
Oh. Go get yourself an old Chrysler Newport and smoke Newport Greens in it.