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Episode 13: Tales, Tales, Tales
Tales from the Dealership, Tales of the 940 and Tales from the Land Stellantis Forgot
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Caleb
Good morning and welcome to the International Race of Hammpions, coming to you live from where you get your podcasts. On tonight's episode, we have Tales from the Dealership presented by The Juice. We have Tales of 940 from Gino. And I have Tales from the Land That Stellantis Forgot. So let's kick off with the Juice Report.
Justin "The Juice"
All right. What's up, everybody? How's it going in Hammpion Land? I had a trash night last night. I didn't sleep very well at all, so I slept in pretty late today. And but yeah, so the, the plan for today was my mom needed to go down to Knoxville to, uh, pick up some new hearing aids because her hearing aids— uh, so we figured while we were down there, we could also look at some cars because the parents are in the market, uh, for, for a new car. And within like 6 months or so, right? Not, not like right this second, but coming up.
Caleb
We're thinking about buying.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. So currently they have a 10-year or 11-year-old, I guess now, 2015 Kia Sedona SX. So second to top trim. So it's pretty loaded out, but it's not the, the SXL with like the panoramic sunroof.
Caleb
Or the SEX.
Justin "The Juice"
Or the, the SEX. The SXL had a panoramic sunroof. It had It's a pretty nice van. It's got 154,000 miles on it. It's just been surprisingly reliable for them. Those Kia 3.3s, if you don't take care of them, they blow up. But if you take care of them, they're generally fine. And my parents have taken care of it, and it's been fine. Something doesn't feel right when you're turning right. You can feel it. You can hear it. It's making you know sort of noises.
Caleb
Something like problems here turning right.
Justin "The Juice"
That's fair, you always gotta be turning left. But in the off chance that you're running a reverse race—
Geno
Or one of them fancy European races where you go back and forth.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, one of them fancy European races in your Kia Sedona. Feels like it's got a CV axle or a wheel bearing going out in some capacity. Other than that, it's fine. Uh, well, I mean, all I mean, it started to— it probably needs like a coil pack or something because Every once in a blue moon it's running on 5 instead of 6. Um, whatever.
Caleb
I mean, in Volvo land we call running on 5 a benefit, not a drawback.
Geno
Well, that's only when it's a 5-cylinder engine.
Justin "The Juice"
So, uh, anywho, we all load up in the van, we head on down to Knoxville, we, uh, grab lunch at Aubrey's Paper Mill, which shout out Aubrey's. Fantastic food. I love Aubrey's. There's a couple of them around Knoxville. I will always recommend the Haystack Pasta. It's just— it's just the greatest thing you could possibly ever eat.
Geno
I'm sold just on the name.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, I don't know how to describe it, but it's just so damn good. Fantastic pasta. Everything's good there, but I always get the Haystack Pasta anytime I go there because it's iconic. So we ate lunch, met up with my sister. Um, who rolls up in her IS300 that used to be my IS300, still has the damn exhaust on it, which is hilarious. She needs to take the exhaust off that thing, but she likes it. She's like, it sounds good. I'm like, yeah, it does, but I—
Geno
you—
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, like, it's actually really annoying as a daily driver to have that loud of an exhaust, and I can't believe that you, of all people who don't give a shit about cars, put up with it. Whatever. Um, anyway, um, we ate lunch. Uh, I unfortunately had a bit of a panic attack and couldn't finish my haystack pasta because I don't— I, I'm on a tea break and the lack of, the lack of weed is fucking with me. So finished that up, uh, and then my sister wanted nothing to do with what our plans after lunch were. Plans after lunch were to go get my mom's hearing aid, and then since we were down in town, let's look at some cars. So I have been a proponent for the next vehicle that my mom gets to be a Toyota Crown Signia because they don't really need the minivan anymore.
Caleb
Mm-hmm.
Justin "The Juice"
They're not carrying a bunch of people around all the time. They do travel a lot and have need a lot of storage space. But the main— one of the biggest reasons why they had the minivan is because they were taking me and my sister around relatively often. They were taking some other people around in additional— in addition to that, when they lived in the neighborhood, they had a whole bunch of friends in the neighborhood down in Knoxville. They had a whole bunch of friends that they would take around from time to time. The traveling, they would always load the van up, especially if me and my sister were going with them.
Caleb
Mm-hmm.
Justin "The Juice"
And of course, the dog. The dog sat nicely in the middle between the 2 captain's chairs in the second row, and he had lots of space to exist in the car. So they had all their practical reasons on why they had a van. Unfortunately, our dog has passed, uh, just recently, so they don't need dog space anymore. They're not carrying me and my sister around very often anymore. They're not carrying a bunch of friends around that often anymore, so they don't need 3 rows. They don't need a minivan. And surprisingly, they seem to agree. We all agree. Let's look at some crossovers. I don't like crossovers personally. You either get a wagon or a minivan or a van, or if you need to go off-roading, you get an SUV. Those are your options. I feel like the thing that they need is a wagon. But, you know, a crossover can save— can serve a similar purpose, and they are getting up there in age. And unfortunately, as much as it pains me to admit it, crossovers are easier to get in and out of, so that helps old people a lot. Wagons, not really in the cards. Giant SUVs, my mom didn't want a giant SUV, thank God. Minivan, my mom wants to move on from a minivan.
Geno
Cool.
Justin "The Juice"
And they still need storage space to go travel with. So damn it, I guess it's a crossover. So I, I accepted that. I came to terms with that.
Caleb
You came to terms with other people spending their money on a car they like?
Justin "The Juice"
Of course. What, what other— how else can you be an obnoxious car enthusiast other than to say that everyone needs a brown diesel manual wagon? I don't give a shit what your Use cases, you fucking buy it. It's cool. Suck my ass.
Caleb
Brown diesel manual Miata wagon.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes.
Caleb
Yes.
Justin "The Juice"
If you don't drive a brown diesel manual Miata wagon, you should just— that out. But like, that is the sort of elitist car enthusiast mindset, right? Got to take your biases away and you got to go, okay, look, crossovers are the most practical vehicle for my parents. All right. What sort of crossover options do we have? Well, that, that's what got me thinking Toyota Crown Signia, because I'm like, it's a secret wagon.
Caleb
Secret wagon, secret wagon.
Justin "The Juice"
Even though it's technically a crossover, it really is just a lifted wagon. So I'm super happy with that, right? And I think actually it's designed really well. I think it's one of the better looking Toyotas now.
Caleb
I mean, half of them look like they've been beat up the grill with an ugly stick, but I mean, what do I know? How does it drive?
Justin "The Juice"
It's a, it's a, it's a car. It's a Toyota hybrid. I mean, it drives like a Prius.
Caleb
It is a cromulent piece of transportation.
Justin "The Juice"
It's with a really cool shell. Yes. So here's what I got to say about it in terms of the driving experience. I'll get to in a second. Design-wise, it's gorgeous. Interior Build quality, impeccable. Uh, materials that they use on the interior, impeccable. Um, interior design, super freaking just classy, just so mature, classy, luxurious. It's just so well designed. It's such a nice looking interior. It's got this like bronze accent. It's got the act— the metal accents, the trim is like this really cool bronze color. which just brings it up a notch for me. It's got that, it's got that, the, um, the, the coffee brown— well, not coffee brown, but the, the, the, the chocolatey brown interior that is just, oh, so good. My mom's not a fan of darker interiors. It's not the darkest brown you could have, but it's on the darker side, I suppose. So she's not a fan of how dark the interior is, and the only other option is black. But that's not a deal breaker. The brown interior is still— she was okay with it, she just didn't love it. I was a huge fan. The outside of the car, this one was pearl white with the black two-tone, looked great. Um, very good spec. It was a Limited, top, top, uh, top trim, because there's only 2 trim options. You can either get an XLE or a Limited. It was Limited, and this thing was loaded. The only reason the dealership had it is because somebody backed out on buying it. They ordered it specifically and then backed out.
Caleb
Oh.
Justin "The Juice"
Because you cannot find them in stock. They are actually pretty rare to find. Um, so I'm glad that at least one local dealership had it.
Caleb
Um, Mm-hmm.
Justin "The Juice"
So it absolutely has the storage space they need. It's all-wheel drive. It gets like 40 miles a gallon. Like, checking the all-wheel drive is not necessary, but it's nice to have. So we're checking all these boxes, right? Especially out here at the lake house when you're mountain climbing. The all-wheel drive is nice to have. The minivan can do what it— you know, it can get up to the building if it needs to, but you know, you're spinning tires a little bit, right?
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
So the all-wheel drive would be nice to have. Um, all this being said, my mom discovered 2 issues with the car. One, she didn't like how low the roof was. She does like having a sort of bigger greenhouse, a little more visibility, a little more space, a little taller roof. And she didn't like that she kind of had to get sit down into the car a little bit. She didn't really have to duck her head. She said it wasn't a deal breaker, she could get used to it, but it wasn't her favorite. I'm like, all right. Um, the other thing that actually was— could have been a deal breaker was the seam in the driver's seat was bugging her. It was, it was sitting on it, and she's got issues with, with her— she, she's got issues sitting. It hurts to sit for a long period of time for her. So the most comfortable seat physically possible is a priority. The Toyota seats were pretty comfortable, but that, that, that, that seam, just little things. Oh, by the way, the back seats have ridiculous levels of legroom. Oh my goodness. The legroom in that thing is insane. We take it for a test drive. She likes the way it drives. The thing is, though, it's super quiet in the parking lot. It's a hybrid. It's not making any noise. She gets on the gas. buzzy Toyota 4-cylinder starts roaring, right? And yeah, it's a little buzzy, just like any freaking Toyota hybrid. It's a little bit of a buzzy sort of thing because it's the hybrid drivetrain.
Geno
Yep.
Justin "The Juice"
It didn't bug me all that much. I wouldn't say it's a luxurious sound, but the car had enough power, and I got to drive it as well. It got out of its own way for sure. It was nice and peppy. It was pretty quick. And the steering feel was, although numb like most new cars, it was super tight, super precise. The steering felt super well, super, super good, except for, you know, typical numbness. Um, and just the thing felt planted, it felt solid, it just felt well put together. It felt super confidence-inspiring. Fantastic car to drive as a normal car. Not sporty, but it's not supposed to be.
Caleb
It is cromulent transportation.
Justin "The Juice"
It's very comfortable, very nice car, more than cromulent. Um, but here was— here's the thing. All of those things combined, the thing that with the low roof, the seat being eh, and it being a little smaller, and the engine being a bit buzzy, that was enough for my parents to go My mom didn't mind it all that. My mom liked it, but my dad was like, I don't like the buzzy engine. He didn't like the buzzy engine. So the other car we looked at— or so anyway, we moved on. It actually wasn't the first car we looked at, but in terms of the story, it makes more sense to tell it first because we went to a Toyota dealership to find a Crown Signia first. They didn't have one. We then went to a Toyota— another Toyota dealership last to that who had one, and we drove that one. But we were looking, we were thinking Crown Signia first. Then when they didn't have one, we moved on to the next dealership down the road, Lexus. Looked at some Lexuses. They— their budget is about $50 grand. They can push it a little, but, uh, that's why the Crown works, because it's like $53,000. Um, they don't really want to spend— they don't want to push it to $60,000 if they— if if they don't have to. But if there's an exceptional car for some reason, they would, right? That's about their budget, $50,000 to $60,000. So, and if they're gonna, you know, if there's a car that makes more sense to spend less money, they're gonna do that too. Anyway, um, second dealers—
Caleb
I'd like to spend $60,000 on a car.
Justin "The Juice"
I know, right? Geez. Look, my parents, um, they got some money. They're not loaded because like we are Nonetheless, they got the money to buy a $60,000 car if they want to, and I'm freaking jealous. Anywho, um, we go to the Lexus dealership. All that stuff— most of the stuff there is too expensive. The only thing that really made any sense would have been an RX. The RX is a great car. I just— it's not inspiring in any capacity. I just don't like the way they look. I think they're ugly. And my mom actually— my mom and my dad agreed, and I'm like, thank God. So we moved on.
Caleb
The last good Lexus SUV was, I would argue, was the Toyota Harrier.
Justin "The Juice"
No, I mean, I know what you're saying. Do you mean the last good RX?
Caleb
Well.
Justin "The Juice"
Because I'm going to argue that the GX has been great the whole time.
Caleb
Well, yeah, but that's just a Land Cruiser.
Justin "The Juice"
Still a Lexus.
Caleb
Eh, the GX is just a Land Cruiser with a fancy suit.
Justin "The Juice"
I mean, yeah, but especially right now, it's, it's like the Land Cruiser is only like $10,000 less and you get a 4-cylinder hybrid. And if you get the Lexus, you at least get a drivetrain that makes sense in a car that big. So the Lexus is the one to get anyway. Um, we moved on. My mom— the, the next dealership down the road was Mercedes. Mom was like, no, I'm not buying a Mercedes. Your dad already has a Mercedes and he never drives it. I'm like, all right, yeah. So then there's like an Alfa Romeo dealership. Hell no. All right, yeah, that, that— yeah, honestly can't blame you. Um, but then—
Caleb
Hey, I had an Alfa. It was perfectly good.
Justin "The Juice"
Hey. I love Alfa.
Caleb
Hey, my Alfa only spent 4 out of my 6 months of ownership at the garage waiting on parts.
Justin "The Juice"
As a fellow Alfa enthusiast, that's the thing. You have to be enthusiastic about the emotion, about the car. You have to love it like it's your baby and you're taking care of it. But if you're not trying to do that, good Lord, I am not going to recommend an Alfa Romeo to anyone who is not passionate about Alfa Romeos because they would want to die.
Geno
I kind of want to die just hearing about Alphas.
Justin "The Juice"
I love Alphas, but they are not reliable. They are the least reliable Stellantis product out there, and that's saying something.
Geno
I mean, that, that takes doing. Like, that takes effort.
Justin "The Juice"
That takes doing!
Geno
Appreciate the effort that's put into that.
Caleb
Yes!
Justin "The Juice"
They are, they're continuing their, their history. They're the only brand that's keeping it real. They're like, no! Why the hell would we make a reliable car? It wouldn't be an Alfa Romeo! It's about the passion! Mamma mia!
Caleb
Shout out to our buddy Antonio in Lutz.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. So, uh, the next dealer down the line that I see popping out— I mean, there's Cadillac. I'm not driving— my mom's like, I'm not driving a Cadillac. Those are old people cars. I'm like, not anymore, but fine. Fine, and you're old. You're old now. Fine, whatever. Mazda. I forgot about Mazda.
Geno
They still make the CT three.
Justin "The Juice"
I'm like, oh yeah. They still make the CT five V.
Caleb
No, it's the CT five V. It's the same thing.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, it's the same thing.
Geno
Get your mom one of those. It'll be funny.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. So, and I'm like, Kia. Mom was like, nah, I don't want another Kia. It's fine, but I don't want another Kia. I'm like, that's fair. I, I also kind of don't want you to get another Kia. I like the K4, and I like— like, they make really good— I would recommend Kias to everybody else, but they have no emotion. There is no passion. There's just— it's lame.
Caleb
It's the anti-Alpha.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah. Um, except for surprisingly, their electric cars— their electric cars have soul, but their gas cars don't.
Geno
Anyway, no, they discontinued the Soul.
Justin "The Juice"
I just realized I said that. That's freaking hilarious. Where's the bell? We gotta ring the ding. We gotta have a bell to ding.
Geno
I, I keep saying we get the, uh, the reggae horns, you know, the—
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah.
Caleb
Okay, so, so just clap a couple zip ties together.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, we checked out some Hondas. The only Honda that would make— that would have made, um, They were looking at a Pilot and my mom was like, eh, it's nice, but it's not— you can't even get a hybrid. I'm like, I know. Um, she didn't like the Passport. She didn't want a van, obviously, and the CR-V was too small. And also she just was like, I'm at a point in my life where I kind of want something a little nicer, and a CR-V is just not nice. Even a top trim, it's just the idea of it. Like, it's not a— it's not a car that has a panache to it. And I'm like, yeah, it doesn't. You're right.
Caleb
So I'll— I'm gonna slightly disagree with you because I've been in the current gen CR-V and it's a very nice place to sit.
Justin "The Juice"
No, no, no, no, that's not what she's saying and that's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about putting on airs. I'm talking about being uppity. I'm talking about looking fancy. If you're in a CR-V, you don't look fancy.
Caleb
Why'd you want to do a thing like that?
Justin "The Juice"
Because my parents are rich people who care about the way they look, external appearances, even though they will deny it until the cows come home. They're very concerned about external appearances. They'll deny it so heavily and claim that they are not about materialism and they're— that would— that is against their religion. They're— they only care about, you know, this, that, the other thing. But at the end of the day, what do their actions tell me? Their actions tell and show me they are very concerned about external appearances.
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
So they want a fancy car.
Geno
I mean, if we're gonna bring religion into it, like, they get a Honda Accord. Like, if it was good enough for Jesus to use—
Justin "The Juice"
Like Jesus had. Yeah.
Geno
Yeah. I mean, they were all of one accord.
Justin "The Juice"
They were?
Geno
Just share it.
Justin "The Juice"
Somehow they fit.
Caleb
But he did not speak of his own accord.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah.
Geno
Oh yeah, Jesus didn't talk about it.
Justin "The Juice"
No, he didn't talk about it. But they were all of his accord, so they must have been— it must have been a wagon. There's no way they could have fit otherwise. Anywho, Honda was just a non-starter. Honda new car smell is probably the best out of all the new car smells though. Toyota's close second. Anyway, then we went to Mazda, and I am glad we did because I had almost forgotten at that point because I mentioned it earlier and my mom's like, oh, what about Mazda? Didn't you say— I'm like, oh yeah. So we head over to Mazda. My mom immediately noticed when we pulled onto the lot. She's like, what is that? I like the way that looks. It looks like a car. It has like a, a, a car front end, not an SUV front end. I'm like, not entirely sure what you mean by that, but that's the CX-90. And I agree, it's an extremely well-designed vehicle. The nicest, least pressure salesperson, saleslady is helping us out. Shout out to— was it Tanya or Tammy? I think it was Tanya. Shout out Tanya at Mazda Knoxville. This lady, she was fantastic. She just stood there and just was like, here's the car. If you have any questions, let me know. And I'm like, bless you. Bless you, ma'am. Very sweet lady. Sweetest Southern accent.
Caleb
What I'm hearing is you are the Ron Swanson of car purchasing. You walk into a car dealership and you just tell them, I know more than you.
Justin "The Juice"
I do! All of the salespeople today, I had to tell them things they didn't know about their own damn cars. And I'm not even that well-versed in the crossover market right now. It was ridiculous. Anywho, so, and I didn't know, I didn't even know anything about the CX-90, but the second I like saw it and like saw what it was, I'm like, oh yeah, it's got this, it's got that, wow, that's cool. And she was like, I don't know. I'm like, bet. Anyway, um, so we roll up, check out a CX-90. The interior is designed really nicely, the exterior is designed really nicely. It's just a wonderfully luxurious looking vehicle. Really nice. But I'm not going to sit here and gloat. I got to, I got to be real about it. Some of the plastics weren't as nice as they looked. And I was like, oh, that's a little bit of a disappointment, right? Outside of that, though, that was my only complaint. Unfortunately, I didn't test drive the CX-90. I'm kicking myself. I really wanted to in hindsight. At the time, I was like, we don't need to drive it. Then, then we drove the Crown Signia later and I was like, shit, I should have drove the CX-90. The CX-90 has 2 options when it comes to engine. You can either get a turbo straight-6, which— oh my God, it's a rear-wheel drive based turbo straight-6 platform and they don't make a sports sedan on that? What are they doing? The seats were less comfortable than the Signia. They were less, less padding, less soft. That is an issue. My mom didn't seem to mind them though, so that's really the only thing that matters. But for me, they were less comfortable. Second row had good legroom. Third row— all of the reviews say it has useless legroom, but I don't know if the reviewers realize that you can scoot the second row up and then you have all the legroom you need in the third row. And when you scoot the second row up you still have enough room to sit in the second row. Like, I could sit— I could sit passenger seat front, passengers— or I could see passenger seat front, second row, and third row, all, you know, I'm 5'10. I could sit 3 deep and be perfectly fine.
Geno
Jordan!
Justin "The Juice"
So I don't know why people were complaining about the, quote, vestigial third row. It's actually usable, um, as an adult. Very impressive car. Oh, I sent— I, I took a video. I posted it on my Bluesky. The engine cover is the easiest engine cover I've ever seen. You just— there's 2, uh, knobs. Not even knobs, they're like, uh, uh, what would you call it? Uh, handles. Little handle knobs, right? You turn the 2 handles and then you just lift the engine cover off. Like, that's easier than press fit because you don't have to put any effort into it. You just turn some things and lift it up. You don't feel like you're gonna break anything. It's— as Gino sent a meme of earlier, it's a hood under a hood. Yo dawg, I heard you like hoods, so I put a hood under your hood. And then you, you take the, the engine cover off and the engine's right there. It's mounted behind the front axle. This thing— I wouldn't be surprised if this freaking thing has 50/50 weight distribution.
Geno
We love a technical mid-engine.
Justin "The Juice"
It's technically a mid-engine SUV! Oh my goodness, I was so impressed. The engine's ugly, just like every modern engine. It's plastic fantastic, but whatever. Uh, you can't access the rear, the rear 2 spark plugs to save your life, which is just awesome. Love that. But you know, I'll take the mid— I'll take the mid-mounted engine if I'll take the pain because it's been—
Geno
I think, I think the theory with that is once it's onto its second set of spark plugs, it's onto its second owner and they don't care anymore.
Justin "The Juice"
The thing is, one of the things my mom was concerned about, which my dad decided to poo-poo after the fact and say, we don't need to care about gas mileage. But one of the things she was concerned about was gas mileage. She said, why not get a hybrid that gets incredible gas mileage? Why not save the money? You know, I'm like, and I'm also agreeing. I'm like, yeah, get a freaking hybrid, especially for you putting around town. If you get a plug-in hybrid, you can just run it in electric mode all around town, never use any gas, and then the only time you'll ever use gas is when you go on a road trip. That's fantastic. And my mom thought that was also a fantastic idea, but my dad's like, you shouldn't have to compromise. And here's why he said that: because you can't get a hybrid with the straight-6. You can only get a hybrid with the 4-cylinder.
Caleb
Lump up?
Justin "The Juice"
What's that? Oh, is that your brake clean?
Caleb
It's Portuguese for brake clean.
Justin "The Juice"
Hell yeah.
Caleb
Limpa freios. Brake clean.
Justin "The Juice"
I don't have any on hand, unfortunately. We're all showing off our brake clean.
Caleb
Yep.
Justin "The Juice"
Is that chlorinated? That's the good stuff that's chlorinated?
Caleb
It's the good stuff.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh yeah, make sure you heat it up so you get extra cancer.
Caleb
Oh, it says right on the can, causes cancer.
Justin "The Juice"
Good. As God intended.
Caleb
Yeah, this Car 80 brand we got here in Brazil, I mean, well, you know, it's the bougie stuff because it's owned by Snap-on.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, it is?
Caleb
No way. No way.
Justin "The Juice"
And we don't get that in the States.
Caleb
Y'all don't get it.
Justin "The Juice"
What is Snap-on doing in Brazil? Yes, they're balling out, I guess, man. So anyway, Caleb, now that you're back, I was saying the straight-6 is mounted behind the front axle. We're talking this is a technical mid-engined crossover.
Caleb
Is it? So what I'm hearing is it is the previa of crossovers.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes. It's amazing. So the weight distribution has to be fantastic. No wonder this thing drives like a champ, or so I've heard. I need to drive it so bad. I want to hit a back road with it. Anyway, um, so everything about the CX-90 is fantastic except for 2 things. The gas mileage, it's okay. Gets like 27, which, I mean, for an all-wheel drive straight-6, that's pretty good.
Geno
Yeah.
Caleb
But I want to say 20.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, and that's highway. Uh, the hybrid is very strange because if you're using the hybrid mode, it gets like 56 MPGe or whatever combined highway and city, which is pretty good, I guess. But if you if you're going on a road trip and you deplete it of the battery and it's just running on gas, that freaking 4-cylinder is getting worse gas mileage than the 6-cylinder. It only gets 26 miles a gallon and it takes premium.
Caleb
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
But around town it would be fully electric, unlike, uh, the Crown Signia, which is always in hybrid, you know, mode because it's a Toyota hybrid. The— it has an EV mode button, but it's restricted to 25 miles an hour. So you can't really drive around town in EV mode, but with the Mazda you can, and it has 26 miles of range exclusively EV. Um, so that's enough to get to the grocery store and back, no problem. Uh, so that's all my mom does, so that would be amazing.
Caleb
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
And then on the road trip, eh, eat the gas money on the road trip, whatever. But I read some reviews. Some reviews say that the hybrid system— Mazda does not have enough experience yet, and it's a clunky system that has weird, um, hesitation, uh, a power boost when you're not expecting it, and it's just not the smoothest system, and it's just kind of annoying to drive.
Caleb
Um, hey, speaking as a former Alfa owner here, My personal opinion, take this for what it is. If it looks that good, you can live with some bugs.
Justin "The Juice"
True.
Caleb
You can live with some issues.
Justin "The Juice"
But it looks that good.
Caleb
But you know, it's—
Justin "The Juice"
why would you live with those issues when you could instead get a turbo straight-6 and you solve those issues and you add the additional passion that a turbo straight-6 brings, and refinement. Passion, refinement, and smoothness. It's not actually any more powerful, but, but yeah. Um, so yeah, essentially I want to drive the— I want to drive the, the hybrid and the non-hybrid back to back. And considering my dad's like, you don't need the hybrid because this— the 6-cylinder would be so much smoother, I I mean, I agree, but I do think the hybrid would be really, really, really, really nice for how my mom uses the car. So I want to drive both of them because I've also heard in a separate review that the hybrid system is perfectly fine, perfectly cromulent, and there's no issues with it whatsoever. I think that the one review that I read that complained about the hybrid system, that seemed more like a car enthusiast who would— because he was like, he was He was waxing poetic about how wonderful a straight-6 engine is, while the other reviews I read seemed more like a Consumer Reports review where it's just like, here's the facts. So the other people were like, yeah, the freaking— the 4-cylinder is fine, like the hybrid system's fine, it works great. It's just one person was like, no, it's clunky, it's trash, you need to buy the wonderful straight-6, why would you buy anything else? And you know what?
Geno
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
I see both points because personally I'm buying the straight-6, but for my mom, I do think she would be better with the hybrid. But here's the thing, so those are the 2 cars we've, we've whittled it down to at this point. I'm sure there's plenty of options, other options, but Crown Signia or CX-90. And honestly, I think it's going to be the CX-90. We still need to look at other options out there. Hell, a used Volvo is in the cards. Right? Because I know those seats are comfortable.
Geno
I just got one. I highly recommend.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, but not, not a 940.
Caleb
Perfect. That is a perfect segue into our latest dispatch from the Great North, the land of 10,000 zip ties.
Justin "The Juice"
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. One last thing just to tie everything up into a bow. before we get into the Volvos. So like a used XC90 might be kind of cool. But anyway, I've also heard the Mazdas might have some reliability issues. So like the Toyota would be more reliable. And my parents are concerned about that. But I want to tie all this up into a bow. Here's the thing. If my mom got a CX-90 with the straight-6, I would have a turbo straight-6 in the Stagia. My dad has a turbo straight-6 in his GLE 53 AMG. And my sister has a naturally aspirated straight-6 in her IS300. Our entire family would have straight-6 engines, and I would cry tears of joy if that happened, because it is the greatest engine configuration the world has ever seen. Give me a silky smooth 6. Bury me in the block of a 2J. Alright. I, uh, I digress.
Caleb
And you're wrong, which is why I'm handing off to the land of 10,000 zip ties.
Geno
All right, so last time I mentioned that I was in the market, as it were, for a new car, and I think I teased some possibilities, but it's come home with me now, and I am the proud owner of a 1995 940 Turbo sedan. Woo!
Justin "The Juice"
We got to get the soundboard. We got to get the clapping, the applause.
Caleb
Woo!
Geno
Drum roll. Yeah, with a, with a very fresh 220,000 miles on the clock.
Caleb
Um, man, that's just barely broken in.
Justin "The Juice"
It's really, it's really cliché to say that, so I was trying to avoid saying that, but yeah, it's barely broken in.
Geno
I mean, I should be able to quote the, the, uh, paint code, but I can't. It, it's fantastic. Uh, this car has had All of the right things done to it. Uh, it's got, uh, a bigger turbo put on, manual boost controller set to 15 pounds. It's got the, uh, the accumulator mod in the transmission.
Caleb
Nice.
Geno
It's got an 850R spoiler on the back. It's lowered. It's got Billy HDs and fat IPD sway bars. It's a dream. I love driving it.
Justin "The Juice"
It looks like a freaking peach, and it's the, it's the right color too.
Geno
It's a great color. It's like the only thing that needs to change is the color of the wheels.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, wait, we didn't even say what color it is. It's green.
Geno
It's a dark green. It's on black wheels right now. The wheels need to not be black.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, and like I said, like I said, uh, pre-show I'm a slut for dark green and gold. So if those wheels aren't gold, I'm going to be upset.
Geno
I've got a set of gold wheels in the garage that are going to go on it when I have a free hour and change to do it.
Caleb
And it's the bluish green metallic. It looks like the bluish green metallic in the photos.
Justin "The Juice"
Is that right?
Geno
Yeah, it's that bluish green. It's gorgeous.
Caleb
That is paint code 412, Tropic Green Metallic.
Geno
That's the one.
Justin "The Juice"
That's a good, that's a good name for it.
Geno
Yeah, it's a beautiful color. It's a great car. It drives like a— it's— it drives like a million bucks. Uh, to, to paraphrase Ferris Bueller, if you have the means, I highly recommend it.
Caleb
And for the, uh, considering that Justin's parents are looking at spending $50. How many of these wonderful machines could you acquire for such a sum of money?
Geno
Let's see here. Do a little math in my head. For what I paid for this one, you could get 33 of them and change. Uh, your results may vary. I did buy it from a friend. It does have some standard old car issues that will need to be addressed, but, uh, I still got a screaming hot deal on it.
Caleb
So you did, uh, you paid less for, uh, you paid less for your 940 than I did for the Fiat.
Geno
To be fair, there are more 940s in this country than Old Fiats.
Caleb
True.
Justin "The Juice"
But there's probably more old Fiats in Brazil than there are 940s.
Caleb
This is also true.
Justin "The Juice"
Wait.
Caleb
Hey.
Justin "The Juice"
Did they ever sell the 940 in Brazil?
Caleb
The only ones I have found for sale in this country are former embassy staff cars from Scandinavian countries.
Justin "The Juice"
Did they, did they, uh, did Volvo sell cars there at all?
Caleb
Uh, yeah, like the 850 was officially imported.
Justin "The Juice"
Okay.
Caleb
But the 7, the 2s, the only 2s in the country were diplomatic. They were imported by diplomats. 7s, same boat.
Justin "The Juice"
What about 9s?
Caleb
Maybe a handful.
Justin "The Juice"
What do they still— does Volvo still sell cars there now?
Caleb
Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Okay, so you can buy like an XC90?
Caleb
Yeah, that's about all they sell here.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, so here's the thing.
Geno
Did you get any of the weird Volvos over there that didn't come up here, like the 3s and the 4s?
Caleb
You could not get the 3s, but you could get the 4s here.
Geno
Could you get the cool 4?
Caleb
You mean the one that's basically a baby 850?
Geno
No, I mean the one that has the Lotus engine.
Caleb
I do not know. I will look into this and we will talk about it on a future episode.
Geno
Yeah, that front-wheel drive shooting brake, the 480.
Caleb
Yeah, we did not get the 480 though.
Geno
That's a bummer because that was, uh, I'm just sad we didn't get those here. I would absolutely get a 480 as a, as a driver here.
Justin "The Juice"
I'd drive a C30.
Geno
Yeah, I do have the, the Mini 850 4 Series. I have a set of the side marker lights for that that will be going on the 940 at some point.
Caleb
Very nice. Yeah. I've, uh, yeah, I've— well, and down here in the land that Stellantis forgot, um, except that they apparently have not forgotten and the Panda is coming to Brazil. There's a new Panda?
Justin "The Juice"
There's a new Panda.
Caleb
Funded by the Chinese government?
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, I'm looking up the Panda.
Caleb
But yeah, it's real— the new Fiat Panda, really cool, very retro. I dig it. But going into Masterpieces by Giugiaro, um, well, I got the relay harness done and, uh, I've— I feel like I've mostly sorted the electrical issues now. Maybe. I've still got to remember to manually turn the key back a little bit so I have working windshield wiper, but— and yes, you heard that right, windshield wiper, not wipers. To save weight, like race car, we got one wiper. Gotta go fast. Weight makes you slow. Take weight out, go fast.
Justin "The Juice"
Wait, so is the new Panda the Grande Panda?
Caleb
Yep.
Justin "The Juice"
That thing looks sick. That's cool.
Caleb
If you ain't first, you're last.
Justin "The Juice"
You could sort of expand that idea into like, if you ain't first, you're last. As in, if you're missing— if you ain't first, if you ain't the one wiper, if you're missing the one wiper, then you don't have any wiper. So you're last, so you're screwed.
Geno
Yeah, I'm seeing this. So the, the Panda has Panda embossed into the door panels. That's fucking great.
Justin "The Juice"
It's awesome.
Geno
I love that. And those X wheels, those are—
Justin "The Juice"
those wheels, the wheels are crazy. No, Nissan actually is doing some crazy-ass wheels these days. Have you seen the wheels on the new Sentras?
Caleb
Uh, no, because We don't get the Sentra in Brazil anymore.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, ooh, okay.
Caleb
We're getting the N7, which is a Chinese Nissan.
Justin "The Juice"
Interesting.
Caleb
And it's one of them electric things.
Justin "The Juice"
Must be the same.
Caleb
Yeah. I mean, Nissan, for all their traumatic brain injury, um, they have some interesting designs lately.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah. Check out— okay, hold on. I'm going to send it to the, to the group chat. Check out the wheels on the new Sentra. Look at this thing. It's fucking sick.
Caleb
Okay. Those wheels are pretty— the tri-spokes that aren't tri-spokes. Yeah, the triangle spokes.
Justin "The Juice"
I can do triangle spokes. It's sick as hell. How would it look on the Stagea? Probably stupid.
Caleb
Yeah, it's, uh, it looked like a Stadia with traumatic brain injury.
Geno
Not necessarily a bad thing though. I think, I think the color would— Traumatic brain—
Justin "The Juice"
Gino 2026, quote, traumatic brain injury, not necessarily a bad thing.
Geno
Whomst among us hasn't had one? I've had one. Have you?
Justin "The Juice"
I'm, I mean, I'm sure I have hitting my head as many times as I've had in my, uh, my— yeah, I think my brain just stopped working, so that proves it.
Geno
I mean, I fell off of a sailboat and came to on the beach.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, that's fun. Yeah, yeah.
Caleb
I mean, best I've got is I took a golf club to the face one time.
Justin "The Juice"
Um, I've hit my head on a coffee table probably 5 or 6 times in my life. Coffee tables are my nemesis. Um, and I— okay, I've gotten at least one concussion, probably 2, in my life. And then also one time in a, in a moment of weakness, um, I, uh, Might have done a whip it and passed out and smacked my fucking forehead on the— or no, the bridge of my nose on the side of coffee table and almost died. So yeah, I wouldn't recommend doing that. But also, of course, it was a coffee table that I fell onto. It had to have been.
Caleb
So what I'm hearing is, you know, they're out to get you when coffee tables start showing up in places that you're at.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes. And even like, look, I've, I've done it recently sober. I was like grabbing something underneath the coffee table that I dropped and I smacked the back of my head trying to get up so hard it started bleeding.
Caleb
Well, as the great philosopher Frank Burns once said, it's not paranoia if they're out to get you. They are.
Geno
As the greater philosopher Benjamin Franklin Pierce once said, shut up, ferret face.
Caleb
Oh, sometimes you just gotta pull down your pants and slide on the ass.
Justin "The Juice"
This is, uh, this is—
Geno
I would go back to therapy if I could get Dr. Sidney Friedman.
Caleb
So I have a feel like he could fix me. I actually did have an interview with a new therapist this week, and I got good vibes. But it's funny you mentioned that because she kind of reminded me of a Brazilian Sidney Friedman, but with a Canadian accent because she spent quite a while living up in Canada.
Justin "The Juice"
The only Sidney I respect is Sidney Poitier, or Poitier.
Geno
I think, uh, I think if you watch M*A*S*H, you'd respect Sidney Friedman.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, I probably would. I haven't seen M*A*S*H. I'm too young for that.
Geno
We need to fix that. We'll start a second pod. We're gonna do a M*A*S*H rewatch pod where we jump right into it.
Justin "The Juice"
I'm down.
Caleb
Hey, the, the, the Hampians Broadcast International Empire.
Geno
Yeah.
Caleb
We're expanding.
Justin "The Juice"
We could, we could bring someone, we could bring someone else on to watch M*A*S*H with us.
Caleb
You know, I'm trying to get my wife in. I'm trying to get her in to watch M*A*S*H, but she's not quite picking up the humor the same way we do.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, that makes, that makes a lot of sense because it's That's, uh, it's Korean War, uh, uh, like, yeah, that's very American-related humor. And if you're not— yeah.
Geno
Yeah, like, you need to have— oddly enough, you don't need to know about the Korean War as much as you need to know about the Vietnam War to get the humor.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, because it was made during the Vietnam War, right?
Caleb
It was, it was started during Vietnam.
Justin "The Juice"
It was set in the Korean War, but the, the But the, the, the commentary it was making about war was because of the Korea— the Vietnam War, right?
Geno
Yeah, it was very much a Vietnam War critique.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, which, which, which the same critiques, if not worse, could be applied to the Korean War. Just saying. But—
Geno
You're not wrong.
Caleb
No. And every war we've been in since as well. Yep.
Justin "The Juice"
I mean, I think what the America— if let's, let's make— I'll make some controversy. America's only ever been in 2 justified wars. The Civil War, of course, the Union. What the fuck you think I am, a fucking Confederate? Suck my ass. Fuck those fucking traitors. And—
Geno
Their cousins beat you to it.
Justin "The Juice"
And World War II. That's it. That's it. There hasn't been a single justified war other than those 2, and I will stand on that.
Caleb
I mean, you know, speaking about the, uh—
Justin "The Juice"
The War of 1812 doesn't count.
Geno
I was gonna say Revolutionary War, but—
Justin "The Juice"
That wasn't America yet.
Geno
I, I feel like that's unnecessary hairsplitting.
Justin "The Juice"
Okay, fine. 3 justified wars. And like, and even, and even then, and even then, the Revolutionary War was justified in terms of getting away from a tyrannical government. But if we're being honest, the only people who actually gave a shit were rich people who didn't want to pay taxes.
Geno
That's, that's the thing. Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Which is the most American thing you could possibly— I mean, like, that's what our country is founded on, is rich people who didn't want to pay taxes.
Geno
That's which is why I said, but.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah.
Caleb
Of course, I'm gonna throw this one out here. The only acceptable traitor flag is the one that y'all have up in Minnesota.
Geno
That's true. It's in a secret drawer at the Minnesota Historical Society.
Justin "The Juice"
Jesse Ventura.
Caleb
Jesse, hey, we need President Ventura.
Justin "The Juice"
I— okay, uh, I would—
Geno
he would not—
Justin "The Juice"
he would not be my first or second or 50th choice, but compared to what we have now, yeah, he would be better.
Caleb
I do—
Geno
what I wish is that every other politician in this country had the, like, the ability to take a moral stance that Jesse has.
Justin "The Juice"
No, you know what Jesse is? Jesse is the moral version of Trump. 'Cause he's insane, and he's narcissistic, but he at least has a moral— he has principles.
Geno
Yeah, he's not a complete sociopath.
Justin "The Juice"
No. He's just a psychopath. Big difference.
Geno
Like, he's nuts, but he's the kind of nuts you can live with.
Justin "The Juice"
He's the kind of nuts you can, you can associate— yeah, exactly. He's the kind of nuts that you enjoy having as a friend, but you're like, that guy's crazy. I don't know if I'll trust him, but he— or I trust him, but like, he's gonna— he's gonna— he's crazy.
Geno
He's got like—
Justin "The Juice"
Like, I trust him, like, I trust him to watch my dog, but I wouldn't trust him to run a Burger King.
Geno
See, the thing with Jesse that earned my respect for Jesse forever was finding out that he tried to, uh, unionize the wrestlers.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes, yes, yes, he was. Yes, yes, he was. Yes, 1,000%. He was the only— he was one of the only person fighting for labor rights against, uh, shithead Vince McMahon.
Geno
Well, so he did Predator, and because he was in Predator, he joined SAG.
Justin "The Juice"
That's right.
Geno
And realized the great fucking benefits you get from being in a union. And he went and talked to the rest of the wrestlers and said, hey, we get treated like dog shit by Vince. We need to start our own union. Then we can get these things. And he had people on board and fucking piece of shit Hulk Hogan stole all that.
Caleb
Oh yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh yeah. Shout out the Behind the Bastards episodes on Jesse Ventura.
Geno
No, Hulk Hogan.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, it's on Hulk Hogan. That's right. It's on Hulk Hogan and talks about— yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Geno
All I'm saying is like, you know what? I can't speak to his other opinions, but the Iron Sheik was always dead nuts on with Hulk Hogan. Fuck the Hulk Hogan forever.
Justin "The Juice"
Fuck Hulk Hogan forever. No, I'm not even— I'm not even gonna— he doesn't, he doesn't deserve to be called by that. That man's name is Terry.
Caleb
I mean, all I've got to say is he also indirectly contributed to the destruction of the one of the greatest automotive websites of the 2010s.
Justin "The Juice"
That's fuck Hulk Hogan. Fuck Terry Baloney, whatever the fuck his last name is.
Geno
It's Balea. And I only know that because I have Some family with the same last name.
Justin "The Juice"
That's— oh no.
Geno
As far as I know, there's no relation. Fingers crossed.
Justin "The Juice"
I, um, I mean, oh gosh, I was, uh, apparently today is International Cousins Day, and I was reading a, a Reddit thread.
Geno
Seems like more of a Shelbyville thread.
Justin "The Juice"
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just saying, mentioning Reddit. Yes, I see the pitchforks and the torches. It's okay. I am a Redditor. I know it's cringe. I am cringe. And I saw that was like, oh, it's International Cousin Day. Who is— who are some famous people who are cousins that people have no idea? And that reminded me that Jim Farley, the CEO of Ford, is cousins with Chris Farley. And I was like, oh yeah, that's, that's freaking hilarious.
Caleb
You know, I think Chris would have done a better job running Ford too.
Justin "The Juice"
Probably. All I got to give— all I got to give props to Jim for is bro likes to drive. So at least a CEO of a car company who actually is a car enthusiast. I appreciate that. And he gives— and he is— he is scared to death by how good Chinese cars are and will readily admit it.
Caleb
You know, the 2 car company CEOs I miss Yes, there are 2 CEOs I kind of miss. First, I'll—
Justin "The Juice"
Burn you at the stake. Volvo?
Caleb
No. Maximum Bob.
Justin "The Juice"
Oh, Bob Lutz.
Caleb
Bob Lutz. And the other one that, despite some of the absolute dogshit products, That came out under his tenure.
Justin "The Juice"
Iacocca?
Caleb
No, okay, 3. Because I got to give Lee credit for turning Chrysler around.
Justin "The Juice"
He did.
Caleb
But on a smaller note—
Justin "The Juice"
He's the only one who's ever managed to figure out how to make Chrysler profitable.
Caleb
But the other one was Sergio Marchionne.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, why? Why? Why? I need to hear the why on that one. That man was a legit—
Caleb
car guy.
Justin "The Juice"
He was. But all the products that came out under his, his watch, not all of them, but most of them were kind of bad.
Caleb
I mean, on the one hand, he is the reason we have Stellantis, which—
Justin "The Juice"
And the reason why Ferrari split off.
Caleb
He didn't want to taint Ferrari with the Stellantis.
Justin "The Juice"
Okay, I guess that's, that's actually a That's a good way to spin it.
Caleb
Okay.
Justin "The Juice"
All right. Yeah, that makes sense.
Caleb
And as I said, Stellantis sounds like a suppository.
Justin "The Juice"
No, it sounds like erectile dysfunction medication. Like Cialis.
Caleb
No, see, Stellantis is what you take to cause erectile dysfunction.
Justin "The Juice"
True.
Caleb
Case in point, Ram.
Justin "The Juice"
And hold on, I guess I just—
Geno
it has to be Stellantis though, because pre-Stellantis—
Caleb
Pre-Stellantis was good.
Geno
Yeah, like you can't buy a Viper, it'll never go down.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, nor— and honestly, even, uh, you're gonna feel really dirty.
Caleb
Or a second gen Ram.
Justin "The Juice"
You're gonna feel real dirty And you're not in like— you're gonna feel like a chud, but you're still gonna get hard if you're in a Hellcat. Which, which— oh, oh, oh, who was the guy that spearheaded the Hellcat program, uh, for, for FCA? It was that— it was, um, he was a Black guy. Do you know who I'm talking about?
Caleb
Oh Lord, I know who you're talking about. Uh, let's see.
Justin "The Juice"
He wasn't the he wasn't the CEO, but he was the he was like the president of of SRT or something because shout out to that guy if we're talking about car car manufacturer boards he's he's one of the real ones too he's one of the only real ones.
Caleb
Uh Ralph Ralph Gilles.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes yes Ralph Ralph Giles or Gilles whatever yeah him Gilles.
Caleb
Je l'ai.
Justin "The Juice"
That guy kicks ass. Shout out.
Caleb
Yeah, shout out to Ralph. You need to come on the show and talk to us.
Justin "The Juice"
And you also need to join something. You also need to join a car manufacturer that's willing to put massive supercharged V8s in cars again. Ralph, go to Kia.
Caleb
They need it here. No, Ralph. Ralph needs to go to Nissan.
Justin "The Juice"
Nissan's got it back though. Nissan's got their current, their new CEO and like they're Trying. Nissan right this second sucks, but their, their planned new models— they're bringing the Skyline back. That's all that matters. If they're bringing the Skyline back, you know we're in good hands.
Caleb
On the other hand, they make the Altima and the Rogue, which is an Altima for old people.
Justin "The Juice"
Counter, counter, counterpoint. The new Z looks really good.
Caleb
We have had the Z discussion already.
Justin "The Juice"
Counter-counter-counterpoint! At least they know how to make cool-looking wheels!
Caleb
They're still recovering from the brain worm.
Justin "The Juice"
Carlos? Carlos? Carlos brain worm gone? That's why Renault sucked for the longest time too.
Caleb
And now that he's gone, we have the Twingo back.
Justin "The Juice"
He wasn't the cause of all of our pain. in the car industry since, since like in recent years. He's not the cause, but he was certainly the harbinger. Like, he was certainly the, um—
Caleb
He was the vanguard of the inchidification.
Justin "The Juice"
He rode in on the, uh—
Caleb
He rode in on the horse of death.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, on the horse of death. But what's— what was it? What am I thinking of? The, the 3, the 3 Horsemen of the Apocalypse or whatever.
Geno
There's—
Justin "The Juice"
he was one of them. There's 4. Okay. Carlos Ghosn's one of them. And he wrote in first. Can you think of anyone who, who started the sort of engine-ification process of our cars? Can you think of anyone who did it before Carlos?
Geno
Ralph Nader.
Justin "The Juice"
Ah, yes and no. I'm not gonna— because he wasn't a CEO of any car manufacturers. He was just a bitch. Which, look, he had— he had— look, I'm not gonna say that you're a bitch for caring about the safety of cars on the road. He's a bitch because he was wrong. The Corvair was not any less safe than any other car at the time.
Geno
There was a guy, I forget where, who for the longest time had a Corvair with a vanity plate that said F-Nader.
Caleb
There's somebody in Missouri that's got one too.
Geno
Um, completely unrelated, but since there's dead air, I'm gonna have to dip very quickly.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, 5 AM? Yeah. Damn.
Geno
Well, I think I'm gonna call it a night, folks, but, uh, argue on.
Justin "The Juice"
All right, bye, Gino.
Caleb
Bye, Gino. Don't forget to check your oil.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, especially in the new 940.
Geno
It's leaving some spots, so I gotta check.
Justin "The Juice"
For sure. And then there were 2.
Caleb
And then there were 2.
Justin "The Juice"
So last night I waxed, um, the 1999 Ford Expedition, and I mean, I used 4.6 mod motor XLT as God intended. Cloth seats. It's got that '90s-ass colorful pattern on it, but they're, they're still tan somehow. It's the good stuff. Bench seat, 9-passenger. This bitch is a 9-passenger.
Caleb
9.
Justin "The Juice"
9. It is in surprisingly good cosmetic shape. Like, legitimately, it's been really good cosmetic shape.
Caleb
The paint starts, it goes, and it is now clean. What more do you need?
Justin "The Juice"
Well, it's not just that. I mean that the clear coat is still there and still in fantastic shape. That paint still has the nice metallic flake. It still looks beautifully reflective.
Caleb
And this, listeners, is how we know that the Juice likes to tell tall tales.
Justin "The Juice"
Hey, hey, no, I'm not.
Caleb
There is, there is no '90s Ford that still has its clear coat.
Justin "The Juice"
It does, because it's been garage kept most of its life. It's been garage kept most of its life. And it's been waxed and it's been, it's been taken care of. It's got a little rust on it from it being up north for a while.
Caleb
Okay, I'll give you that. If it's been garage and it spent some time up north where they don't get the oppressive, overbearing degree of sun.
Justin "The Juice"
It was garage kept, but it was a daily and it was driven in the winter and it did get rust even over the course of about, yeah, about 4 years because it was from '99, 2000, '01, '02, '03. Yeah, we moved to Tennessee in '04. Wait, we moved to Tennessee in '02. 3 years the thing was full-time in Ohio and it got very rusty just in 3 years, which is It's—
Caleb
that's Ohio. I mean, my Uncle Bob, bless his heart, back when he was getting his master's at Ohio State back in the day, his daily was a '58 Alfa Giulietta.
Geno
Whoo!
Caleb
You know, there's—
Justin "The Juice"
Wait, wait, wait. I saw an Alfa Giulietta When I lived in Columbus, was it white?
Caleb
No, it was red. It is parked behind Uncle Bob's house to this day. And you can tell which of his 4 Alphas was the one he daily drove in Ohio. Because it's the one that ain't got much left below the top of the fenders.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, so that's the crazy thing is it was only up in Ohio full time for 3 years. And that was enough to rust the bottom of the doors out. None of the rust is bad. It's just, it's wild that the bottom of the doors rusted out so badly after such a short period of time.
Caleb
Hey, it happens sometimes.
Justin "The Juice"
You can't see it from the outside. It's not that noticeable of a problem. It's definitely a problem, but it's, it's— the cosmetic shape of the truck is not tainted by that rust. You can't tell. The thing looks mint.
Caleb
Assault just eating vehicles though. I took a beautiful, minty, rust-free '94 Roadmaster wagon to Kansas City.
Justin "The Juice"
Nice.
Caleb
Bought it from a friend of mine down in Alabama, had it there 3 years, then sold it back to my friend when I left the US behind and decided to start my globetrotting adventure. And he said it picked up. He hadn't seen a Roadmaster with that much corrosion because he'd only dealt with Alabama ones.
Justin "The Juice"
Damn.
Caleb
And that was 3 years.
Justin "The Juice"
And that wasn't even— that was Kansas. That wasn't even— or Missouri.
Caleb
Yeah. KC Mo, baby. Go Chiefs!
Justin "The Juice"
Fuck the Chiefs.
Caleb
Kingdom.
Justin "The Juice"
Fuck the Chiefs. Go Browns!
Geno
Go Browns!
Justin "The Juice"
Kingdom! Go Browns! That thing, that thing's a peach. That thing's a peach. I love it. I want to keep it. That's, that's my truck. I don't give it like, I don't give a shit that it's my dad's truck. It's gonna be my truck. So I love that thing. And, um, it's a fantastic truck. And I do call it a truck even though it's an SUV because it is an— it is a body-on-frame F-150 based. It's, it's got a tow hitch, and the only thing we use it for is hauling and towing. So it's a truck.
Caleb
It's a truck.
Justin "The Juice"
We don't put— we don't carry people around in it. We carry shit around in it. It's a truck.
Caleb
Now, have you, have you thought about going down to old Pick 'n Pull there in Knoxville and just grabbing a set of doors?
Justin "The Juice"
Honestly, I should. That actually wouldn't be a bad idea if I found a set of doors in the same color and good shape. I mean, that'd be a fantastic idea. And it's, it's that, it's that weird sort of light, darkish light blue.
Caleb
Oh, my mom had, oh Lord, kind of that darkish light blue.
Justin "The Juice"
It's a Ford-ass color.
Caleb
It's a Ford-ass color. But Mama had an '06 Mustang in that color.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, yeah.
Caleb
That was— that's a real pretty car, though.
Justin "The Juice"
It's— it's in the paint, actually. The color is nice when you look at it close and it's— when it's buffed out because it does have some decent metallic flake in it.
Caleb
Oh, yeah, it's got that. It's not quite bass boat flake, but it's got some flake to it.
Justin "The Juice"
It's got some, but it's not— we're not We're not talking bass boat, not in any way, shape, or form, but it's got some flake to it. And so it's nice. It's a nice, it's a nice paint color. Um, but, uh, yeah, she cleaned up nice. I got that Griot's, um, uh, ceramic, uh, spray wax. So it's, it's ceramic coating, but they say it says, still says wax on the bottle.
Caleb
So it's not wax on, wax off? No.
Justin "The Juice"
It's spray on, spread around, let haze, buff.
Caleb
That doesn't teach discipline like the old wax on, wax off did.
Justin "The Juice"
It don't need to teach discipline, 'cause it just does a good job and it's easier.
Caleb
Meanwhile, I'm down here, uh, I'll wax my car when it's all the same shade of red. Hehehe. Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
No, and I still got a good bit of that stuff left, so I'll throw a coat on the fucking Stagea. Stagia is actually—
Caleb
I'm thinking, meanwhile, I'm down here, I'm thinking in a year or so, I'm thinking about painting the Fiat plum crazy purple. Uh, no, I was thinking of going back with the original Ferrari red.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, I can't disagree with that. If your paint code says Ferrari red, it would be a sin to paint it anything else.
Caleb
Amen.
Justin "The Juice"
I mean, look, and I'm not even— I don't even think Ferraris look best in Ferrari red.
Caleb
Oh, no.
Justin "The Juice"
Ferraris look best in that blue they got.
Caleb
Oh, yeah, that— which blue? Because they've got like 50 of them.
Justin "The Juice"
Ooh, ooh, ooh, the darker one. What I'm saying is, if I had to pick a universal color that most Ferraris look good in, it's actually that blue. The red is a little too garish for some Ferraris.
Caleb
See, while it works beautifully on Giorgetto Giugiaro's masterpiece, the Fiat Premio.
Justin "The Juice"
Ferrari has a paint color that looks exactly like my dad's Expedition.
Caleb
See.
Justin "The Juice"
Azzurro Chiesi.
Caleb
You heard it here first. If you're gonna go— if you're looking for Azzurro Chiesi, Go down your Sherwin-Williams and ask the guy for that late '90s through mid-2000s or so darkish light blue that Ford had. You'll save yourself a ton of money in the process.
Justin "The Juice"
Repaint your Ferrari in Ford blue. There's also a— there's also a Giro Dino Mica, which looks good, but that looks like a Corvette blue. Azure of Iridescence. Ooh, iridescently like purple, red, pink, and blue. That's fun.
Caleb
I mean, by the time you get into the iridescence, you're basically just doing a copy of TVR in about 2002. I feel like Ferrari just took their in-house plagiarism machine And, you know, they're picking out colors.
Justin "The Juice"
The light blue looks like ass. The Ford blue looks like dog shit.
Caleb
I just miss when normal everyday people could go down to the Ford house and buy, buy something with a real color to it. Or, you know, go down to the Dodge. Well, I don't know why you go to the Dodge dealership.
Justin "The Juice"
But no, don't. But we're We're coming back. Things are coming back around. I'm gonna be honest. So like the 2010s were the— 2010s, early 2020s. I'd say late 2010, mid to late 2010s into the early 2020s. Not doing so hot when it comes to color selection with cars. Everything is beige or white or black or gray or silver or—
Geno
Blue.
Justin "The Juice"
Maybe blue, but like a dark, boring blue.
Caleb
It was the House Flipper special of color selection.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes. Yes. And it seems like we're finally getting some, some, some, some color. The rainbow. We're embracing the rainbow again. Cars are finally getting gay again.
Caleb
And, um, make cars gay again. Yeah.
Justin "The Juice"
M— um, Kia has introduced some interesting colors. Um, all, uh, all of the cars I looked at today came in some interesting colors. Not even the Crown Signia, actually less so, but it has a couple of decent colors. It has a nice blue, nothing super vibrant.
Geno
Blue.
Justin "The Juice"
But like the Mazda, the Mazda, you could—
Caleb
yeah, brown.
Justin "The Juice"
The Mazda, you can get in some nice— some, some of the Mazda colors are like really nice. That green they have is— oh my God, that green they have is fantastic. Uh, the red they have is an iconic Mazda red. I like that red, but it doesn't— I like, I like that they offer that red, but I honestly don't like that red.
Caleb
See, I love Soul Red and the however many variants of Soul Red they have now. I think it's, it's like Soul Red, and they've got like Soul Red Crystal, and I don't know how many other iterations.
Justin "The Juice"
So it looks— so, so the thing is, is it looks very similar to the red that's on my dad's Mercedes, but the Mercedes's paint just pops better. There's something about that red that the Mazdas have that just seems a little dull.
Caleb
So it's something about the process where they make sure the flakes are perfectly aligned with the surface of the body. So it is a uniform reflective surface.
Justin "The Juice"
Yeah, that makes it boring.
Caleb
My inner redneck's coming out. It's late. I'm over here kind of like, give me some of that Bass Boat.
Justin "The Juice"
I was about to say the same thing. Give me some Bass Boat flakes. I want some— I want some candy paint, man. Ice cream paint job.
Caleb
I want my car to be in that same shit. I want the flakes to look like fucking sequins.
Justin "The Juice"
Yes.
Caleb
I want flakes like sequins on an '80s prom dress.
Justin "The Juice"
Freaking— all I gotta say is ice cream paint job by Dora Music. Shout out.
Caleb
And that's all for this episode of the International Race of Hampians. So don't forget to check your oil, folks. It is probably low.